


A Marriage of Convenience

by Duffydog



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 10:47:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20993546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duffydog/pseuds/Duffydog
Summary: After encountering several lecherous aliens, all of whom have only one agenda, the captain must consider a radical solution.  J/C





	A Marriage of Convenience

**Author's Note:**

> As always, many, many thanks to Shayenne and Vanhunks for their honest and constructive criticism – I’ve tried to incorporate their suggestions as much as I could. And also to KJ, for her unflagging encouragement. I must admit I’ve sat on this story for nearly a year, unsure whether it was worth posting. But after going over it again – several times – I’ve decided…what the heck! I like it, so here goes. I hope others do, too. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Paramount’s, Viacom’s, whatever. Dialogue from “Coda” and “Equinox” is theirs, too.

**Prologue:**

“So what you’re telling me,” stated Captain Janeway as she stared at her senior staff seated around the table in the briefing room, “is that once again we’re poised on the brink of disaster.”

There was a general nodding of heads. 

“It would appear we have no option but to initiate trade negotiations with the Mortallahns,” added Tuvok.

“Not my first choice,” muttered Kathryn, sighing heavily as she remembered the knowing stare she had received from the official who had hailed them when Voyager entered Mortallahn space. 

“Perhaps,” continued Tuvok, “Commander Chakotay or I can conduct the negotiations.”

Kathryn shook her head. “It has already been made clear that to have anyone other than the highest-ranking officer present, ‘leader to leader’, as they call it, would be considered a grave insult.” She shrugged resignedly. “I have to go.”

Although he hadn’t spoken, she could feel the waves of disapproval radiating from her first officer. A glance towards him showed his head down, his gaze focused intently on the table, obviously unwilling to look at her. She sighed again. Maybe this time, things would go better than they had on Nica….

* * *

**Part 1:**

“Now tell me,” leered the governor of Mortallah, “how did such a beautiful woman as you end up in our space?”

Kathryn groaned inwardly, recognizing all too well the lecherous undertone in his voice. _‘Again!’_ she thought even as she pasted a polite smile on her face. What was it with the males in this region?! Each and every one seemed to have only a single topic in mind – and despite the question, it wasn’t about Voyager’s journey through the Delta Quadrant!

The man leaned closer, deliberately invading her personal space. “Well, Captain?”

“It’s a long story, Governor.” She tried to inject a note of discouragement while remaining polite, but apparently, subtlety wasn’t in his vocabulary.

A hairy arm snaked around her. “Then why don’t we adjourn to my private quarters where we can relax and you can tell me all about it?”

She attempted to move away, but his arm tightened its grasp, holding her in place. “Thank you, but I should be returning to my ship. My crew will –”

“– still be there in the morning,” he interrupted firmly. “Your first officer seems a very competent man; I’m sure he doesn’t need you to tuck him in…unless,” he paused, “you have a mate of whose existence I’m unaware. Our society has a very strict prohibition against adultery.”

Kathryn hadn’t known that little fact and for a moment, she was tempted, really tempted, to tell the lie that would get her out of this impossible situation, until common sense reminded her that undoubtedly, the governor had been in communication with Nica. Her assumption was born out a second later when he added, his eyes boring into hers forcefully, “However, the Nicans informed me – and several of your crew confirmed it when I inquired – that you are…unattached.”

“Unattached,” replied Kathryn steadily, grasping his arm and removing it, “but not uncommitted. My ship is my life.”

The governor’s face relaxed into a smile. “Oh well, then, no doubt you need a little diversion from all your responsibilities, a break in your routine.” He took her elbow and turned, forcing her to move with him. “Or if you prefer, you can view a more personal association between us as a guarantee that we will uphold our part of our trade agreement.” The threat was implicit.

Kathryn sighed. Always it came down to this – the good of her ship! Damn! She certainly didn’t want to submit to his demands but his threat was real and Voyager was desperate – again – for the few supplies which his world could provide. These days, with replicators almost constantly off-line and the ship barely holding together, she and her crew were living hand to mouth, always on the edge of disaster.

What to do?! As she was practically frog-marched along the corridor, she cudgeled her brain frantically for alternatives but could think of nothing beyond outright refusal, which meant almost certain starvation for her people. And she couldn’t let them suffer and maybe die only because of a few scruples on her part, even though her flesh cringed at the thought of the governor touching her – just as she had cringed a month earlier on the Nican homeworld when the ruler there had made a similar demand. Then she had given in and spent the night with the prince, a brute of a man who had mauled her poor body until she could barely move. Only by sheer force of will had she been able to walk out of the palace the next morning and once on board the shuttle, she had promptly collapsed in agony. 

Chakotay had first been horrified, then coldly furious at her for allowing herself to be abused in such a fashion. As he’d stood gazing down at her lying on the biobed in sickbay, an expression of disgust and revulsion had crossed his face, an expression that still shamed her, although she didn’t know what else she could have done. If she hadn’t agreed to the Nican prince’s blandishments, Voyager would have been driven away with nothing. As it was, the ship had only received enough food supplies to last a few weeks, which was why they had been forced to stop here, and why she was now on the point of acceding to the governor’s demand.

“The prince of Nica told me about you,” he gushed as he continued to propel her along an empty corridor, “and I am most anxious to discover if all he said is true.” He bent close to murmur in her ear. “He said you are willing to assume many positions and the touch of your hand is exquisite!”

_Oh, that’s just wonderful!_ thought Kathryn, trying to push aside her revulsion. _No wonder he’s been so persistent. Clearly, my reputation has preceded me!_

Her combadge suddenly came to life. “Voyager to Janeway.”

Chakotay’s voice washed over her and she grabbed onto the sound of it desperately. “Janeway here.”

“Captain, we have finished loading the supplies but Lieutenant Torres is reporting a potential problem with the magnetic constrictors.”

Her heart gave a sudden mighty leap of joy. _Yes!! A last-minute reprieve! Thank you, Chakotay! _

Throwing her weight to one side, Kathryn managed to break the grip on her arm. “Beam me up immediately, Commander.” She smiled apologetically at the governor, who was looking confused and suspicious. “So sorry, Governor, but duty calls.” Her voice floated away as the transporter beam caught her.

Rematerializing on the ship, she breathed a heart-felt sigh of relief and stepped off the transporter pad to face her first officer who was staring at her grimly.

“Thank you,” she smiled at him, “your hail came just in the nick of time. I assume the constrictors are fine?”

“No, Captain, as I told you, they’re not,” he answered, his face tightening into lines of worry. “B’Elanna thinks it may be the last supply of dilithium, the stuff we got at Nica, which has contaminated them, but the seals are starting to degrade. Now tell me,” he continued, changing the subject as he followed her into the corridor, “what did I rescue you from?”

Kathryn tried to think fast but it wasn’t fast enough. Chakotay knew her too well – his face darkened with anger.

“Harry was keeping a sensor lock on you,” he told her. “He said you were moving away from the public area of the palace, accompanied by a Mortallahn.”

Her face flushed with a mixture of annoyance and embarrassment but she knew she might as well tell him – most likely he’d figured it out anyway. “Let’s just say the governor was demanding a little extra payment for the supplies they’ve given us.”

Chakotay stopped in his tracks. “Again?!” Reaching out, he grasped her arm as she kept moving, forcing her to turn around. His eyes bored into hers. “He hadn’t, by any chance, happened to talk with the prince on Nica…had he?”

Her gaze fell to the floor which told him the answer. “Damn it, Kathryn!” He seized her shoulders, actually shaking her. “This has to stop! You can’t whore your way across the Delta Quadrant for the sake of the ship!”

Her eyes blazed at his words and she growled, “I’ll do whatever I have to in order to keep this ship safe as well as the people on it. And if that means I have to sleep with every goddamned official we meet in this godforsaken quadrant, I’ll do it!” Abruptly, she spun out of his grasp and marched to the turbolift.

Chakotay was so stunned at her tirade that she had disappeared before he realized she was gone. Shaking his head over this new worry, he followed more slowly. Whatever happened, he couldn’t allow her to carry out her threat. He simply couldn’t! There must be a way to stop her somehow.

For a moment longer, he wracked his tired brain before deciding that two heads might be better than one. He slapped his combadge. “Chakotay to Tuvok.”

“Tuvok here,” came the immediate response.

“I need to discuss a matter of ship’s business,” replied Chakotay, unwilling to take the chance of anyone overhearing their conversation. “Where are you?”

“In my office, Commander. Do you wish –”

Chakotay interrupted. “Fine, I’ll be right there.”

* * *

Not surprisingly, Chakotay soon discovered that not only was Tuvok fully apprised of the captain’s injuries from her stay on Nica but also how she had acquired them. Although his features remained dispassionate, Chakotay knew him well enough to easily read his disapproval of her behaviour.

When the commander described the latest incident on Mortallah, as well as his recent conversation with her, Vulcan self-control was severely tested. Despite himself, Tuvok frowned.

“Like you, I cannot condone such behaviour, Commander, although I suspect my lack of approval will have very little effect. Both of us are well aware that Captain Janeway will go to any lengths to protect her crew.”

“Including prostituting herself to the entire Delta Quadrant,” added Chakotay bitterly. “So how do we protect her from herself?”

Slowly, Tuvok steepled his fingers, gazing at them abstractedly as he examined various options. After a few minutes, during which Chakotay remained silent, the Vulcan looked up. “What the captain needs is a guardian, a protector….”

Chakotay’s eyes sparkled with a sudden idea. “A husband!”

One eyebrow rose slightly although Tuvok’s face remained impassive as he considered Chakotay’s suggestion. Finally, he nodded slowly. “I had not considered that personal a connection, but a husband would certainly serve adequately.” Again, he paused a moment before adding, “Although for various practical reasons, the only possible candidate is you.”

For several moments, Chakotay remained silent, contemplating possibilities that he had long ago put aside as unattainable. Maybe there was hope yet, although there were several hurdles to overcome. The first one was sitting across the table.

“Would that be a problem for you, Lieutenant?” It was a critical question – without Tuvok’s support, there was no way Chakotay would ever be able to convince Janeway of a scheme that she would immediately condemn as outrageous.

The Vulcan shook his head. “Indeed not. You have demonstrated many times your concern for the captain’s welfare.” His gaze shifted momentarily to his hands before he sat back in his chair and focused on Chakotay. “Centuries ago on Vulcan, before the time of Surak and before women had achieved full equality with men, it happened occasionally that a man and woman would enter into a so-called ‘marriage of convenience’…usually for reasons of material gain but sometimes for protection.” At Chakotay’s surprised stare, he explained, “A situation might arise wherein a woman was widowed prematurely, through accident or war. If she were a person of substance, with no immediate family, she might prefer to have the protection of a husband without initiating a mating bond. He in turn would gain the prestige of adding her assets to his own, thereby improving his status within the community. Nowadays, of course, women are recognized as being perfectly capable of managing their own resources, and such marriages no longer occur. But it is a possibility we might consider.”

“What exactly are you suggesting?” Chakotay wanted to be absolutely sure that he wasn’t misunderstanding the Vulcan.

“I am suggesting that you might enter into such an arrangement with the captain – a marriage of convenience. That way, she would have the benefit of your protection as her husband and not feel constrained to continue to prostitute herself throughout the Delta Quadrant.”

“It would need to be a legitimate marriage, wouldn’t it?” mused Chakotay, “not a sham?”

“That would be best,” replied the Vulcan. “Then the crew would not be put in a position of having to lie should they be questioned. The senior staff could be witnesses so that no alien ruler could be in any doubt that it was real.”

“The hardest part will be convincing her of the necessity,” Chakotay brought up the biggest roadblock.

“I would suggest consulting the doctor, Commander. I know that on purely medical grounds, he was most disturbed about her ‘adventure’ with the Nican prince. He would not be pleased to learn it has nearly happened again.”

Chakotay wasn’t so sure about the wisdom of including the doctor in their plot. At times, the EMH irritated the captain almost beyond endurance. “Why don’t we begin with just the two of us?” he suggested. “We’ll keep the doctor as backup.”

“Perhaps that would be a more advisable approach.” Aware of the captain’s love-hate relationship with the doctor, Tuvok could see Chakotay’s point. “When do you wish to speak to her?”

Chakotay sighed. Good question. For discussing such an incendiary topic as this one, there was no ‘good time’.

“Now,” he decided. “The sooner, the better, while the memory of her most recent encounter is still fresh. Otherwise, by tomorrow, she’ll have rationalized it into a trivial incident.”

Tuvok nodded and activated his combadge. “Tuvok to Janeway.”

“Janeway here.” She answered at once. “What can I do for you, Tuvok?”

“The commander and I have discovered a problem, which we need to discuss with you right away.”

“Very well. Come to my quarters. Janeway out.”

The die was cast. 

As the two men rose to head out the door, Chakotay murmured with a grim smile, “Here goes nothing.”

* * *

“You want to what?!” Janeway stared at Chakotay as if he’d suddenly grown two heads.

Gritting his teeth and reminding himself to be patient, Chakotay began again. In an almost unnaturally calm voice, he explained his concern for his captain’s safety and wellbeing, and his solution for her dilemma. “It would be a marriage in name only,” he finished, “nothing more. Once we’re out of this part of the Delta Quadrant, we could dissolve it, if you wished, although my advice would be to maintain it in case we encounter a similar situation again.” He debated what else he could say to persuade her before deciding he’d said all he could. She would either accept his recommendation or she wouldn’t. Although what else he could do to protect her, he didn’t know.

Slowly Kathryn paced across her living area before turning to face Tuvok, who had remained silent throughout the encounter. Stabbing her finger at him, she demanded, “And you agree with this plan? This…this _charade_?!”

Tuvok returned her penetrating gaze steadily. “I do, Captain.”

“But – what about Starfleet’s protocol on fraternization, about a captain becoming personally involved with a member of her crew?”

Tuvok’s mouth tightened ever so slightly. “While I am…perturbed by such an infraction, certainly, it is my belief that Starfleet Command would agree that your safety takes precedence. You cannot continue on this course, Captain.” His gaze drilled into her, momentarily silencing her. “It is only a matter of time before you suffer a serious, possibly fatal, injury. The Commander’s suggestion, although radical, is based on logic.”

During the entire time he was speaking, Janeway’s eyes never left his face, as if judging the level of his commitment to the cause. Apparently, she saw enough to convince her because she turned away to face Chakotay once more.

“What did you call it? A marriage of convenience?” she demanded.

“Yes, Captain,” he replied.

“And it can be annulled by either of us whenever we please.”

“Yes, Captain.”

With a heavy sigh, she plunked herself down on the couch. “All right,” she murmured in a low voice, barely audible.

“Captain?” asked Chakotay, not sure if he’d heard her correctly.

“I said all right, Commander!” she snapped. “What part of that didn’t you understand?”

Slowly, Chakotay’s face split into a wide grin. “None, Captain,” he replied slowly.

She spun away to face the viewport, muttering, “I must be out of my mind!”

“On the contrary, Captain,” Tuvok dared to contradict her, “I believe you have regained it.”

Her only response was a glare tossed over her shoulder, but it lacked its usual power. After a moment, she sighed heavily again and turned back to face them, her expression one of resignation. “So how exactly do you plan to put this little scheme into operation, _Commanders_?” Her stress on the final word left them both feeling suddenly unsure of their rank.

However, Tuvok made a quick recovery. “If you temporarily turn over command of the ship to me, I will perform the ceremony.” At her look of skepticism, he hastened to add, “It is quite legal, Captain. I have checked the regulations and there is nothing that indicates such an act is prohibited.”

“I don’t imagine there is,” she snorted, “since I doubt this question has ever arisen before!”

“That isn’t necessarily true,” interjected Chakotay, “we simply don’t know of one.”

“Hmph! Same thing!”

There was a moment’s silence before she gazed at them. “Very well. That answers the question of ‘how’, so when should we do this? And I expect we need witnesses….”

“Yes, Captain, we do,” replied Tuvok. “I would suggest the senior staff be apprised of our plan and asked to act as witnesses. That should suffice to fulfill the legal obligations. As to when…I’ll leave that up to you and the commander.”

Janeway tilted her head toward Chakotay. “Well, Commander? When do you want to get married?”

He answered with a shrug, tossing the ball back into her court. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“But?” She could tell he had something more to say.

Smiling gently, he added, “I think sooner rather than later would be advisable. B’Elanna has indicated that we will probably have to acquire more dilithium crystals as well as reline the seals of the magnetic constrictors, which means we must approach the Takendi. The planet of Takend is less than two light years away. From all we have heard, it appears to be another male-dominated society similar to the ones on Mortallah and Nica. I think it’s safe to assume your reputation will have preceded you there as well.”

Janeway nodded. “All right. Shall we say tomorrow morning then, at 0900 hours?” At Chakotay’s nod, she continued. “Fine. Now, gentlemen, if there’s nothing else, I think we could all use some sleep.”

The two officers bade her goodnight.

Once they were gone, Kathryn walked slowly into her bedroom, her brow furrowed. “I must be out of my mind,” she muttered again as she began to prepare for bed, although she had to admit, despite her seeming reluctance, she was very relieved she would no longer have to endure the attentions of every tinpot ruler and dictator in the sector. As well, if she were honest, she also had to acknowledge that she was secretly elated at the thought of marrying Chakotay, even if it was in name only. 

For a very long time now, she had harboured deep feelings for her first officer, feelings which she had carefully tucked away in a corner of her heart. As long as their situation remained the same, she was unable to act on those feelings, but at least now, she had the security of knowing that a formal bond with him would not only fend off any unwanted pursuit of her, but would also deter various females who might be thinking of a romantic liaison with him. ‘_Kills two birds with one stone,_’ she grinned to herself.

On that happier thought, she went to bed.

* * *

The senior staff meeting was winding down the following morning when the captain delivered her bombshell. Rising to her feet, she glanced at Chakotay as if for reassurance before beginning to speak. 

“There is one more item of business….” Her voice trailed off as she swallowed then took a deep breath.

To Tom Paris, she appeared nervous, which was completely out of character for his stalwart captain. Intrigued, he leaned forward to listen intently.

“Recently, Commander Chakotay and Commander Tuvok have expressed a concern for my personal safety. They believe that the inhabitants of this area of space are…unusually chauvinistic, particularly regarding women.”

“You can say that again!” interjected B’Elanna softly.

Janeway nodded. “Since it appears we will have to deal with several more societies in this region, which we may assume have the same cultural tendencies, the commanders have come up with a…unique solution. In short,” she paused for another deep breath, “they are recommending I get married.”

For a moment, there was a stunned silence before everyone started talking at once.

“Married!” exclaimed Tom Paris. “Wow! Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Captain!” B’Elanna looked stunned. “I…I don’t know what to say! I’m delighted, of course,” she hastened to add, suddenly aware that her captain was looking more than a little unsure. “It is Chakotay, isn’t it? I can’t imagine anyone else….” Her face broke into a warm smile of approval when Janeway nodded. “I’m so glad. You and he belong together.”

“Captain! Congratulations!” A beaming Harry Kim took Janeway’s hand, the genuine joy on his face warming her heart.

The captain smiled slightly to acknowledge their good wishes but her smile didn’t reach her eyes, a fact that Tom picked up on at once. Clearly there was more going on here than she was letting on. A quick glance at Chakotay confirmed his impression. Considering she had just announced their pending nuptials, he wasn’t exactly jumping for joy, as one would have expected.

Seven’s voice cut across the hubbub. “Chakotay is not at all suitable,” declared the former Borg. “If you marry him, your attachment will be legally binding. Why don’t you marry a hologram instead? Like Michael Sullivan, for example. Then your so-called marriage will not be real and you can return to your single state once we leave this part of space.”

Again, silence filled the room before Chakotay moved to Janeway’s side. “We considered that option, Seven, but both Tuvok and I agree that in order to guarantee the captain’s safety, the marriage must be legitimate. Which means no holograms.”

Seven subsided, although she continued to radiate disapproval, as Chakotay continued with an apologetic glance towards the EMH. “No offense, Doctor, but Federation law has not yet expanded to include legally binding unions between holograms and organics.”

“None taken, Commander,” replied the doctor graciously. “And may I also offer my congratulations. When is this happy event to occur?”

“As soon as I turn command of the ship over to Tuvok so he can perform the ceremony,” replied Janeway quickly, her eyes flitting across the room before landing on the Vulcan.

Before he could reply, the door slid open to admit Neelix, who hurried into the room, apologizing for being so late. “I’m very sorry, Captain, I lost track of the time. I simply had to make sure the raw torda was properly….” He stopped speaking as he realized everyone except Seven and Tuvok was gazing happily at Janeway and Chakotay. “What? What have I missed?”

“Only the biggest thing to happen on this ship in…oh, since we first arrived in the Delta Quadrant,” teased Tom. At Neelix’s blank look, he gave in and told him. “The captain and commander are getting married.”

“Married?! Captain!” he bolted forward to grasp her hands. “This is wonderful news! Congratulations!” Barely pausing for breath, he spun around to seize Chakotay’s hand, pumping it enthusiastically. “The crew will be overjoyed! To know you will finally be together as you should be –” He stopped abruptly as he noted Janeway’s and Chakotay’s solemn faces. “Captain, what is it? Aren’t you happy?”

Pursing her lips, Janeway looked helplessly at Chakotay, who merely raised an eyebrow. With a sigh, she turned back to Neelix, who was now quite bewildered. “Neelix,” she began, “this won’t be the usual sort of wedding. We want it to be very low-key, in fact for now, I think we’ll confine the news to the senior staff.” Raising her voice so everyone in the room could hear her, she continued. “I don’t want this matter discussed until I’m ready to make an announcement to the crew. This will be a marriage in name only; there won’t be any changes to the relationship between myself and the commander, either professionally or personally. We will go on just as we always have except for the fact that we are legally attached.” She stopped, obviously uncomfortable with disclosing any more information.

Noting the puzzled looks on several faces, Chakotay debated whether to amplify her explanation.

Before he could say anything, however, Tuvok was speaking. “You may not be aware that in the past month, the captain has twice been exposed to physical threats and abuse from those in power in this region.” At the collective gasp, he paused briefly then continued, “However, as we have explained, it appears the threat is considerably reduced if she has a husband. Apparently, married women are considered off-limits. It is for this reason that Commander Chakotay and I recommended this particular course of action.” His eyes bored into Neelix as he added, “Of course, that piece of information does not leave this room.”

“N-no, Captain, I promise not to breathe a word!” Neelix blustered in his usual fashion. “But – once you do make the announcement, couldn’t we have a party to celebrate? Just an informal gathering, if that’s what you’d like, but something to mark the occasion?” He looked so hopeful that Janeway couldn’t refuse.

“Very well, a small celebration,” she agreed, wondering yet again if she was out of her mind, but then she’d been thinking that a lot lately.

“That’s wonderful! Thank you, Captain!” Neelix was wreathed in smiles once more. “And I assure you, it will do wonders for the crew’s morale.” Tilting his head to one side, he regarded her. “Uh, have you decided when…?” 

Chakotay chuckled. “That was the question being asked when you came in. Captain?”

She shrugged. “Now, Mr. Tuvok?”

He nodded. “Now, Captain.”

* * *

Half an hour later, they were married.

At the critical moment, someone – neither of the bridal pair had any idea who – had produced a pair of plain gold rings, slipping one into each of their hands at the appropriate moment.

It was only when Kathryn heard Tuvok utter the words “…and I now pronounce you husband and wife…” that she realized the deed was done, although her brain was having trouble catching up to events. Married? Her?! After all these years??! It didn’t seem possible and yet, in the end, the actual ceremony had proved ridiculously simple. In the space of thirty minutes, her circumstances had changed drastically. Or had they?

The pressure of Chakotay’s hand made her look up at him. For a moment, he stared into her eyes, apparently reading her uncertainty, for when he bent to exchange the traditional kiss, it was a mere brush of his lips across hers, light as a feather.

“Everything will be fine,” he whispered reassuringly, “and now you’ll be safe.”

She smiled in reply before turning to face her senior staff, who were now surrounding them to offer their best wishes. 

Tom even had the nerve to embrace her quickly, murmuring in her ear. “Even if it is a marriage in name only, I wish you and Chakotay every happiness, Captain.”

His simple words, uttered in complete sincerity, went straight to her heart and it was all she could do not to burst into tears. This entire situation was so impromptu, so bizarre, she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. In the end, she hugged him back, whispering her thanks.

She wondered if he was the one who had replicated the rings but before she could ask, Neelix bustled forward, bestowing one of his famous Talaxian hugs on the newlyweds. “I think we should celebrate tonight, Captain, don’t you?”

His request made her pause as she examined her decision to keep her marriage secret. The prospect of having to tell the crew made her cringe with embarrassment – she hated the idea of them speculating on her private life. However, when she thought about it, there was nothing to be gained by waiting, so perhaps it would be best to get it over with as quickly as possible. “Very well, Neelix, but remember what I said. An informal gathering only, and no fuss.”

He nodded solemnly. “Understood. No fuss.”

From her other side, Chakotay spoke up. “How do you want to inform the crew? A ship-wide announcement?”

Kathryn shrugged. “I suppose. Or we could simply issue a general invitation to the party. Something along the lines of ‘you are cordially invited…’ and signed by both of us.”

“Actually, that sounds like a good idea,” he picked up her suggestion. “I’ll draft something right away.”

They were interrupted by Tuvok. “Captain, I believe it would be in order to return command of the ship to you.”

“Yes, Tuvok, you’re quite right.” She raised her voice. “And then – we better get back to work, hadn’t we?”

There was a general chorus of ‘yes, ma’am’ and ‘aye, Captain’ as her officers headed for the door.

Shortly thereafter, her command restored to her, Captain Janeway, newly-minted bride, followed by her first officer and now husband, returned to her bridge to resume her shift.

* * *

At 1000 hours, the following notice was posted to every computer terminal on the ship.

_Captain Kathryn Janeway and Commander Chakotay_  
_ wish to announce their marriage which took place earlier today._   
_ You are cordially invited to join them _   
_ at an informal reception in the mess hall _   
_ tonight at 1900 hours._

By 10:05, intra-ship comm traffic had reached an all-time high.

At 10:10, the chief engineer made a ship-wide announcement that the entire system was about to crash; therefore, only essential communications would be permitted for the remainder of alpha shift.

In the mess hall, Neelix dashed about frantically, trying to research and then organize all the minutiae of a wedding reception in the space of a few hours, in between serving meals to the entire crew. In his enthusiasm, the captain’s edict of ‘no fuss’ was soon forgotten.

When Tom arrived after his shift to offer assistance, he was astonished to find the entire place covered in white and gold crepe paper, and liberally festooned with large pink roses. At one end of the room hung a giant banner reading:

**Congratulations to Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay.**

** May happiness attend you both every day of the rest of your lives.**

Tom sighed, knowing the captain would be upset and embarrassed. He was well aware this was definitely not what she’d had in mind. “Uh, Neelix?” he called out. Looking around, he spotted the little Talaxian hanging up a bunch of ribbons in one corner.

“Tom! I’m so glad to see you. What do you think?”

Biting his lip, Tom debated how to phrase his objection tactfully. However, with Neelix, tact didn’t usually work. He opted for plain language. “Well, it’s…nice, but you remember the captain did say ‘no fuss’.”

At his words, Neelix almost visibly deflated. Coming to stand beside Tom, he looked around worriedly. “Oh dear! Do you think it’s too much? I want the captain and commander to know how happy we all are….” His voice trailed off as Tom shook his head.

“The banner has to go,” pronounced Tom. “It’s not that sort of marriage.”

Neelix’s face fell even further. “I know that’s what she said, but Tom…! It’s so obvious they’re in love with one another, even after all these years! Why can’t they admit it and be together like they should be?”

“Protocol,” answered Tom in a word. “Starfleet hammers it into every officer at command school. Senior officers, especially captains, do not become involved with their subordinates.” 

“But it doesn’t make sense!” exclaimed Neelix. “I mean, maybe in the Alpha Quadrant where there are other Starfleet ships around but here, that means she has no one. And Tom, everyone needs someone.”

“I know. She’s been caught in a real bind for years.” His face took on a worried expression. “Something really bad must have happened to her on those last two planets to make her ignore the protocol, even to this limited extent.”

“You don’t know…?” The Talaxian’s voice was filled with honest concern.

“No, I don’t. And even if I did, I couldn’t discuss it.” He gazed at Neelix earnestly. “All we can do is let her, let _them_, know they have our unconditional support.” He glanced again at the banner. “I think the captain and commander would feel more at ease if that wasn’t there. Under the circumstances, it’s kind of blatant.”

“Yes, of course.” Neelix moved to the end of the room. “I’ll take it down right away – I certainly don’t want to make them uncomfortable. This situation must be difficult enough as it is.”

Tom chuckled. “I’ll tell you something, Neelix, and this is between you and me.” His eyes twinkled with merriment. “I don’t believe either of them is really unhappy about this marriage but you didn’t hear it from me.”

Neelix grinned happily. “A love match that pretends it isn’t.”

“Exactly.”

* * *

The door chime sounded, alerting Kathryn she had a visitor. “Great!” she mumbled, as she scrambled through her meager collection of jewelry. “Come in,” she shouted, as her fingers finally located the missing earring.

Hurriedly, she glanced out the door to see Chakotay, dressed casually and looking very handsome, waiting for her. “I’ll be right out,” she called, “I’m almost…ready. There!” she added in triumph as she finally slid the earring into place. One last tug of her dress and she trotted out to meet him with a welcoming smile. “Shall we go?”

“In a minute, but first,” he reached into his pocket, “I have something for you.” He hesitated as if not sure what to say next.

Kathryn’s face creased in a slight frown. “Chakotay, that’s very kind of you but you didn’t need to.” She tried to let him down tactfully; despite their altered circumstances, she definitely did not feel comfortable accepting a gift from him. “Nothing’s really changed.”

“That’s not entirely true,” he retorted, his expression darkening. “While our marriage may only be a formality and we won’t be living together, we are legally wed.” He held up his hand to show her a silver pendant. “According to the traditions of my tribe, when a man and woman marry, the woman accepts a symbol from the man to show she is now joined to him. If he has a tattoo, she may have it copied onto her arm or shoulder but the symbol can also be an amulet holding special significance, or a necklace or bracelet created by him in a particular design.” He lifted his left hand, the gold ring glinting in the light. “It’s not so different from the tradition of a man and woman exchanging rings.”

She nodded her understanding but remained silent.

Encouraged by her apparent acquiescence, Chakotay continued. “Following that tradition, I have made this pendant for you.” He held it out to her. “Here.”

Reaching to take it, Kathryn lifted it up, her eyes examining it carefully. After a second, she gave a slight gasp. “It’s in the shape of your tattoo!” Her eyes snapped up to find him watching her closely.

“Yes,” he replied. “Given the rather unusual circumstances, it seemed to me that this was the most fitting way to honour my family’s traditions.” He stretched out his hand. “Let me put it on for you.”

Obediently, Kathryn handed it over, then turned her back as he clasped it around her neck. For a second, his fingers lingered in her hair before he stepped back. “What do you think? Do you like it?”

Quickly, she moved into the bedroom to examine her appearance in the mirror there. “It’s beautiful!” she called out, then hurried back to him, “And very appropriate. Thank you. I am honoured to wear it.”

Chakotay smiled in relief. He hadn’t been at all sure whether Kathryn would accept his gift. Perhaps the fact that she had agreed so easily meant that subconsciously, she was accepting this marriage even if she wasn’t yet ready to admit it. He was perfectly willing to wait until she did.

Offering his arm, he indicated the door. “Ready?”

Tucking her hand through his elbow, she nodded. “Lead the way…husband.”

As they left her quarters, he chuckled, “You know I could get used to hearing that.”

“Don’t hold your breath,” she retorted as they made their way to the turbolift.

As they arrived in the corridor leading to the mess hall, Chakotay caught a glimpse of a small figure dashing around the corner ahead of them. Grinning, he nudged Kathryn. “Did you see that? I think Naomi has been detailed as lookout. I wonder what they’re planning?” 

His words made her frown apprehensively. “Oh dear, I hope Neelix hasn’t gone overboard. I really don’t want to be the centre of attention.”

Coming to a halt, he turned to face her. “Kathryn, we’re always the centre of attention, you know that. It won’t be any different than usual.”

“Won’t it?”

“Well, maybe a little, but I think once the novelty wears off, and they see us carrying on just as we always do, they’ll soon find something else to talk about.” He smiled gently and patted her hand. “Now where’s my brave captain who never backs away from a challenge?”

“Cowering behind her first officer just at present.” She tried to jest but Chakotay could tell she really was nervous.

“I thought Starfleet captains didn’t cower. Isn’t that in the rulebook?” he teased, trying to make her relax.

“They do when they’ve married their first officer and now have to face their crew. That’s in the rulebook, too.”

“No, it isn’t.” He stepped forward, tugging her beside him. “Come on, let’s do this in style and make an entrance.”

Kathryn started to roll her eyes at his nonsense but as Chakotay moved close to the mess hall door, it opened. Automatically, her head came up and a smile pasted itself onto her face. 

As one, the crew broke into cheers and applause as the command team swept into the mess hall. 

Smiling happily, Chakotay glanced down at Kathryn beside him and silently congratulated her on her performance. There was no sign of reluctance or nervousness now – she was the consummate leader, confident, sure of herself, showing not a hint of the apprehension she’d displayed only a moment before. Discreetly, he squeezed her fingers before releasing her to mingle with the crew. She would be fine just as she always was.

* * *

Hours later, husband and wife ambled along the corridor on deck three towards their respective quarters, rehashing the evening. 

“All in all,” summed up Chakotay, “I think it went very well.”

“And now it’s over with and we can get back to normal,” added Kathryn. She paused as they reached her cabin. “Want a nightcap to celebrate?” she asked as she activated the door.

“Sure, why not? After all, it’s not every day a person gets married. We should do something to mark the occasion.”

She nudged his arm as the door opened. “I thought we did that with the party.”

“The party was for the crew,” explained Chakotay, “I’m talking about the two of us.” He stopped a few feet into the room, gazing down at her, his eyes gleaming with an odd look she couldn’t quite decipher. Almost…hungry. 

Turning away, she moved to the replicator. “Well, I guess if it’s a celebration, we should have champagne, shouldn’t we?” She hesitated.

“I think I’ve had enough champagne to last me for quite a while,” he frowned, “how about…an Irish coffee?”

“Two Irish coffees,” ordered Kathryn, grinning at him. “Coming right up.” She toed off her shoes, then picked up the steaming mugs before moving to settle on the couch, placing them on the low table in front. “Come and sit.”

Instead of taking his usual spot in the armchair, Chakotay moved to sit beside her, his knee brushing hers as he leaned forward to pick up the mug. He raised it high, saying, “To us. And to a safe and happy journey through the Delta Quadrant, as well as through our lives.”

His words made Kathryn frown slightly. She’d thought the parameters of their marriage had been clearly understood on both sides, but now she was beginning to question whether he was on the same page she was. She trusted him completely, she would never have agreed to such an arrangement otherwise, and yet tonight, his behaviour was slightly odd, a little different than normal. Her eyes flicked up to find him watching her over the rim of his cup. Unknowingly, her frown deepened.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, although he was pretty sure he knew. Kathryn always liked to be on top of any situation, she liked to know exactly what to expect. When that didn’t happen, it upset her equilibrium, throwing her off-balance. As far as he was concerned, a little loss of balance now and then was good for a person, it kept them flexible. And their current situation definitely called for a certain amount of flexibility in order to adapt to their changed circumstances. 

Although on a rational level, she had agreed with the necessity of their marriage, on an emotional level, she had been fighting him over it all day. And while he wasn’t absolutely certain, he strongly suspected she was actually fighting her own attraction to him. At least, he hoped she was. But the only way he would ever get her to admit it would be to catch her off-guard, and that would not be at all easy. 

Smiling at her, he let his eyes roam across her body before returning to her face. 

His meaning was unmistakable and Kathryn flushed, annoyed to find herself reacting to his appreciative stare. He was teasing, wasn’t he? Picking up her mug, she turned her attention to the coffee, determined not to let him know how deeply he affected her. Marriage or not, that would never do.

“Nothing is wrong,” she answered his question airily, “nothing at all.”

“Good.” He too sipped from his cup before placing it back on the table. Lifting his hand, he gazed for a moment at the ring on his third finger. “Do you know where these came from?” He nodded towards her hand.

For a moment, she stared at him, not understanding what he was talking about. 

He pointed at the ring. “It never occurred to me to replicate rings for the ceremony,” he explained, “and yet somehow, they magically appeared when we reached that point. I was wondering if you knew who had made them?”

Kathryn shook her head. “I didn’t see who put yours in my hand; suddenly it was there so I used it.” She fell silent, speculating on who might have been their benefactor. “My guess is it was Tom. That’s the sort of thing he’d do.”

“Maybe. Perhaps B’Elanna was involved, too.” Chakotay drained his mug and set it down before getting to his feet. “It’s late. I should let you get to bed.”

“Yes, I suppose so, although there is one matter….” Standing also, she paused to clear her head and marshal her thoughts. “I was…thinking…that we should probably discuss what each of us can expect from the other, now that our personal circumstances have changed.”

“Define parameters, you mean?” He tried and failed to keep the bitter tone out of his voice.

She nodded. “Something like that.”

“I told you a long time ago that I can’t define parameters in our relationship and that hasn’t changed. But I can promise that our marriage will be what you want it to be. All you have to do is tell me.”

His generosity of spirit nearly overwhelmed her. “Oh Chakotay! I don’t deserve you.”

He smiled gently. “All I ask is that you remember you are my wife.”

Standing on tiptoe, she grasped his arms for balance as she reached up to kiss his cheek in gratitude. 

For a moment, they stood frozen in a loose embrace before Chakotay turned his head slightly and bent to take her lips in a passionate, soul-searing kiss that left her breathless and barely able to stand by the time it ended.

“If you ever decide to change your mind about ‘parameters’, that’s what is waiting for you,” he told her. Spinning on his heel, he disappeared through the door.

Kathryn was left to stare blankly at the spot where he’d been, her mind awhirl. Oh my! She had not been kissed like that in a very long time. In fact, when she thought about it, she didn’t think she’d _ever_ been kissed like that. Talk about a throwing a monkey wrench into the equation! Here, she’d believed she had it all figured out so she could successfully rationalize what she’d done, and now he had to go and kiss her like there was no tomorrow! Her emotions were in complete turmoil; at that moment, all she wanted to do was march straight out her door and down the corridor to his quarters. But she couldn’t do that – she was the captain. Protocol had already been turned on its head. While she might – barely – be able to justify marrying her first officer, there was no way in hell she could rationalize climbing into his bed. It couldn’t happen until such time as they got home. Only when she could relinquish her captaincy could they actually be together as husband and wife. And that could well be a very long time indeed.

With a sorrowful sigh, Kathryn plodded into her bedroom and began to prepare for bed. There were times when life really wasn’t fair.

* * *

By morning, Kathryn had regained her equilibrium. A part of her would always regret that she couldn’t allow Chakotay completely into her life but the bottom line was that the ship and crew had to come first. All her energy and determination must remain focused on her quest – to get them home, and sooner rather than later. 

As well, Starfleet would be far more likely to listen to her request for full pardons for the former Maquis if she could convince the Board of Inquiry that she had no hidden agenda. Her relationship with Chakotay must be completely transparent with no hint of any behaviour other than would normally transpire between a captain and first officer. She had to make them believe she harboured no romantic feelings for him and that their marriage had been merely a ruse to augment her safety.

As she attached the four pips to her collar, she reminded herself of all the logical reasons why the barriers between them must remain in place, at the same time ruthlessly shoving away her heartfelt desire to tear them down. At least, she reminded herself, he couldn’t be snapped up by some enterprising female on the lookout for a little romance with a handsome man. Although Chakotay had rarely shown any desire to move on, she could hardly fault him if he decided he wanted more out of life than the platonic friendship she could offer him. A little dalliance was one thing but she knew he didn’t indulge in casual affairs; her fear, which she refused to acknowledge even to herself, was that he would find someone in the crew who would steal him away from her side for good. And that she wouldn’t like at all! Well, the ring on his finger would end that possibility and keep him tied to her, which, as far as she was concerned, was precisely where he should be, selfish as that might be.

With a satisfied smile, Kathryn strode out of her quarters. All in all, perhaps this marriage wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

* * *

Meanwhile, in his quarters, Chakotay was engaged in a similar exercise. So maybe Kathryn wasn’t ready yet to alter their relationship but at least now she wouldn’t be defiled by every nasty alien in the Delta Quadrant. An image of Kashyk, the Devore inspector who, Chakotay suspected, had come perilously close to seducing her, crossed his mind. He had loathed the man, not only for what he was, but for the way he had so effortlessly brought Kathryn to heel. Whether the inspector had actually found his way into her bed, Chakotay didn’t know, nor did he want to. But even the possibility had been enough to send him into a rage, although he had been very careful to keep his anger well hidden. After all, he’d had no right to censure Kathryn and besides, he’d been afraid that Kashyk might well pick up on his jealousy and twist it into some nefarious plot.

Well, the Imperium was far behind them, thank the spirits. And now, with their marriage, this new threat had been successfully negated. He might have to wait a long time before their marriage was more than a formality but at least he could rest easy knowing that no one else would have her. And he didn’t mind – as far as he was concerned, she was worth waiting for, even if it took a lifetime.

Picking up his rank bar, he pinned it on his collar, grinning as he remembered her reaction to his kiss. He’d done it on impulse but the look on her face had been more than worth it. There was no question in his mind that she had been very tempted to toss aside her self-imposed barriers there and then. And the best part was she really couldn’t chastise him – as long as he didn’t do it again anytime soon. After all, even the most hidebound admiral would hardly deny a man a kiss with his bride on their wedding day.

Chuckling, he headed out the door. Yes, this marriage, even with all its limitations, might work out very well. 

* * *

A week later came the first test of Kathryn’s new status. 

As Voyager approached the Takend system, Harry announced they were being hailed.

A round, hairy figure surmounted by an equally round and hairy head appeared on the viewscreen. “Captain Janeway!” exclaimed the creature with a smile that threatened to split his face in two. “I am the Patriarch of Takend Major. I’m delighted to finally meet you. The prince of Nica has spoken of you in the most glowing terms.”

_I’ll just bet he ha,_’ groaned Janeway inwardly even as she pasted a smile on her face. “We are in need of certain items, Patriarch. I’m hoping we can negotiate a trade agreement with your people.”

“Absolutely!” The Patriarch’s smile stretched even further as he leaned into the viewscreen. “I trust you will be conducting the negotiations in person.” The leering tone left no one in any doubt what form he expected the ‘negotiations’ to take.

Janeway’s tone was firm. “My first officer, Commander Chakotay, is our chief negotiator, Patriarch. He will be leading the trade mission. As captain, my place is on my ship.” This argument hadn’t worked on either Nica or Mortallah but she figured it was worth another try.

“If you insist, Captain.” The Patriarch appeared to wilt slightly before he bounced up again in his chair. “But your presence will be required at the celebratory dinner, of course. Only the head of state, or ship in your case, can sign the agreements.”

“Very well,” replied Janeway, acquiescing gracefully. At least, she’d managed to cut down the time she’d have to spend on the planet. Hopefully, whatever supplies they managed to acquire would already be loaded before the Patriarch discovered she was no longer ‘available’.

“Excellent!” His smile was in place once again. “I am sending the landing coordinates now. We will expect your people shortly. And Captain,” his gaze swept over her in a calculating way, “I look forward to furthering our acquaintance.”

* * *

Negotiations proceeded swiftly. 

By the end of two hours, Chakotay was able to return to the ship and report that he had been able to obtain not only enough foodstuffs to completely restock the cargo bays, but also a much superior grade of dilithium which would require very little refining to make it suitable for use in the warp core.

Kathryn’s face was wreathed in smiles. “Well done, Commander, you have achieved much more than I expected. B’Elanna will be ecstatic.”

His gaze rested on her almost thoughtfully. “Actually, I think it was the prospect of seeing you that hurried things along. Apparently, the Patriarch can’t wait to meet you in person. The signing of the agreements and the formal dinner are scheduled for tonight.” His expression became grave. “I hope we’re not going to run into any trouble when he finds out you’re no longer a single woman.”

“You didn’t say anything?”

Chakotay shrugged. “No, he didn’t ask so I figured why tell him and maybe have him break off negotiations. I didn’t want to take the chance of losing this opportunity to replenish our supplies.” 

She nodded then asked, “When will they be loaded?”

“Once you’re on the planet. I assume your presence there will be a guarantee of sorts that we intend to uphold our end of the deal.”

“Hmm, then I guess I’ll have to be nice to him until we know everything’s aboard.” She glanced up at him with a slightly apprehensive look. “Will you be there?”

He reached forward to grip her shoulder. “Right beside you all the way.”

“Thanks. I know it’s silly, but having you there will make it much easier.”

“That’s what husbands are for, you know,” he grinned at her. His cheeky remark made Kathryn chuckle. She covered his hand briefly before moving to the door.

“Well, let’s go put these rings to good use,” she told him as the door slid open, “because it’s crunch time.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

* * *

Although not at all pleased to discover that his much-anticipated night of passion was not to be, the Patriarch reluctantly conceded the captain’s new status. “I was not informed that you have a mate,” he complained querulously, as he stared in dismay at the gold band on the captain’s finger. “I do not understand why the Prince of Nica didn’t mention such a critical piece of information.”

“I was not married when we were visiting Nica,” explained Janeway calmly. “Events there…shall we say…‘hastened’ my wedding.” 

The round face took on a calculating expression. “Since I…I mean, we…will not be receiving full payment for our trade goods, I think it only fair that you, uh, ‘contribute’ something extra.”

Chakotay frowned. “We have paid you in full, Patriarch, according to the agreement I negotiated with your emissaries.”

“Yes, well, no doubt they forgot to mention the matter of a…‘bonus’, if you will…for expeditious delivery”, he added in a moment of inspiration. His hairy brows tightened, suddenly making him look much more menacing. “Or, if you prefer, you can call it compensation.”

Kathryn opened her mouth to retort that no further payment would be forthcoming, but Chakotay placed a hand on her arm and squeezed hard, forestalling her objections. His gut feeling told him their situation had suddenly become precarious; somehow, they had to find a way through without appearing to insult the Patriarch. The man was no fool. Obviously, he’d realized that Janeway had taken steps to make herself unavailable, and was making it clear he would accept a bribe in exchange. But in order to allow him to save face before his own people, they would have to follow tradition. Which meant that in a male-dominated society such as this, he had to do the talking and she had to remain silent, as a proper wife should. Otherwise, there was no telling what actions the Patriarch might take if it appeared he’d been insulted.

Fortunately, Kathryn understood immediately and shut her mouth, albeit with something of a snap. Her glare bored into the Patriarch, letting him know in no uncertain terms that while she might have to abide by his customs, she didn’t have to like it.

“What did you have in mind?” asked Chakotay, trying to smooth over the awkward moment.

Recognizing the commander’s willingness to negotiate, the Patriarch was all smiles again. “I was thinking something along the lines of several of your scanning devices. Like that one,” he added, pointing to the tricorder attached to Chakotay’s waist.

The captain scowled but kept her silence. However, her first officer could feel every muscle in her arm under his hand stiffen with disapproval.

“I could only allow you to have one,” he replied quickly, “but we could add a dozen isolinear chips – if, uh, that would help….”

The Patriarch’s eyes gleamed with avarice. “That would help, indeed, Commander.”

“Excellent. Our chief of security will have the items delivered to you shortly.” He felt his captain’s firm tug. “We must return to our ship now so that arrangements can be completed.”

The alien face clouded with sudden suspicion. 

Before he could speak, Kathryn cut in smoothly. “Commander, I will personally attend to the matter while you stay here with the Patriarch.” She smiled sweetly. “Will that be all right?”

There was a long moment of silence before the Patriarch reluctantly agreed.

Swiftly, Janeway beamed back to the ship, snatched up the first tricorder she could find, reprogramming it to scan for benign objects only, then bundled it and the isolinear chips into a container which she placed on the transporter pad.

At her nod, the transporter operator beamed the items to Chakotay’s coordinates on the surface.

For several minutes, she waited with bated breath. They were placing a lot of trust in the Patriarch’s willingness to uphold his end of the deal. Finally, she heard Chakotay’s voice.

“Voyager, one to beam up.”

“Do it!” she snapped.

Seconds later, as he materialized on the transporter, she breathed a sigh of relief. “Everything okay?” she asked, trying to keep her voice matter-of-fact.

Stepping off the pads, he gave her a warm smile. “Everything’s fine.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” Kathryn tapped her combadge. “Janeway to bridge!

“Tuvok here, Captain.”

“Commander, tell the helm to set a course for home and engage at warp six.”

“Aye, Captain.”

Swinging around, she headed for the corridor. “Let’s get back to work, Commander.”

“Yes, wife.”

His impertinence made her break stride briefly as she glanced up at him. Her eyes narrowed but her tone was definitely amused as she whacked him gently on his arm. “Watch it, husband.”

Chakotay’s face widened into a grin. Life was back to normal – or as normal as it ever got in the Delta Quadrant.

* * *

As the days passed into months, then a year, the relationship between the captain and commander settled even more firmly into a close friendship which provided a solid bedrock for them both. Over and over, Kathryn told Chakotay she didn’t know how she’d get through a day without him. And over and over, he replied that his place was with her, supporting her in whatever way he could.

They had their disagreements, of course, but beneath the heated arguments and anger, both knew they could each rely on the other without reservation. And when push came to shove, they acted as one. 

The topic of their marriage was shortly replaced by other bits of gossip, exactly as Chakotay had foreseen. Soon, the crew had mostly forgotten they were married – after all, they behaved no differently than before; they usually attended various social occasions together but not always, and most importantly, they maintained separate quarters. The gold bands on their fingers were the only visible reminders of their changed status.

Occasionally, Kathryn wondered if she should do the honourable thing and annul their union – after all, she wasn’t being very fair to Chakotay – but each time, she found she couldn’t do it. She was forced to admit that she actually rather liked being married and she certainly enjoyed the degree of protection which her wedding ring symbolized. 

Now and again, an alien official issued her a veiled invitation for a more personal encounter, but once her status was made clear and Chakotay stepped into the picture, that was the end of it. Likewise, she knew for a fact that at least twice, a high-ranking female had been all set to indulge in a little fun and games with her handsome first officer until Kathryn sidled up to him, tucking her hand into his as she introduced herself as his wife. Each time, the lady had flounced off in annoyance as Chakotay whispered his thanks for rescuing him from a potentially very awkward situation. 

And if occasionally, she wished that they could toss aside the barriers between them and make their marriage a real one, cold reality would soon appear in the form of another hostile alien encounter or a message from Starfleet in the monthly data stream, enquiring about the status of the Maquis. As long as they were out here, she simply couldn’t afford to let down her guard. For now, she would cherish the memory of the only kiss they’d ever shared and dream of a day when Voyager would reach Earth and there would be no more barriers.

* * *

**Part 2:**

Earth.

Kathryn stared in stunned astonishment at the blue and white planet which grew steadily larger on the viewscreen. 

All over the bridge, everyone was reacting in the same fashion. 

They’d done it. After seven years, countless hostile attacks, more near-death experiences than they could remember, and finally, a climactic run-in with the Borg, they had arrived in the Alpha Quadrant close to Sector 001.

Voyager was on a final heading for home, surrounded by eighteen ships of the line.

And all anyone could think was ‘_We did it!_’

* * *

Ten days later, after a huge welcome-home party thrown by a grateful Federation, followed by a brief leave of absence to visit her family, the captain returned to Headquarters to appear before a Board of Inquiry. 

Over the next month, every ship’s log would be examined and discussed in excruciating detail. It promised to be a grueling four weeks.

* * *

“Tell me, Captain,” asked Commodore Phillipa Louvois, late of the Judge Advocate General’s office, “why, exactly, did you found it necessary to marry your first officer?” Her voice held a note of censure – Louvois was a notorious stickler for protocol.

Kathryn straightened in her chair, recognizing she must choose her words very carefully. “Both Commander Chakotay and Commander Tuvok were of the opinion that, as a single unattached woman, my personal safety was in jeopardy.” She stopped, hoping her brief explanation would be enough but, as if sensing something more, Louvois wouldn’t let it go that easily.

“Go on,” she encouraged, her tone letting Kathryn know that the commodore would brook no dissembling.

“We had been traversing a region that contained a number of planets with somewhat chauvinistic cultures. In those societies, women had little or no standing, and indeed, were regarded as little more than breeders. A single woman in a position of authority, like me, was absolutely unheard of.” She paused, taking a deep breath as she remembered the way the Nican prince had looked her over, his eyes stripping her naked, when she had first beamed down to his planet. “It happened that a high official, who held the reins of power, was very intrigued by me. He wanted to…get to know me… on a personal basis. He made it a condition of our trade agreement that I permit…certain liberties.”

Louvois snorted. “And you agreed?!”

Kathryn looked the woman straight in the eye. “We were in desperate need, Commodore. Food supplies were running out, we needed parts to make repairs to several of Voyager’s most crucial systems, as well as more dilithium to power the ship. Spending a night with the local ruler seemed a small price to pay, so yes, I agreed. Unfortunately, the price was somewhat higher than I had anticipated.” She bit her lip and looked away, clearly uncomfortable.

“And?” prompted Louvois.

“I suffered some injuries as a result.” Again, Kathryn stopped, hoping Louvois wouldn’t demand even more detail.

For a moment, the commodore sat in silence, obviously trying and failing to visualize herself in such a situation. “Very well, continue.”

“The trouble was that word got around. By the time we reached the next inhabited solar system a few weeks later, the ruler there was already aware of us. Unbeknownst to me, my reputation had preceded us and he was very anxious to find out if I was all I was cracked up to be. Fortunately for me, a problem arose on the ship, which allowed me to return to Voyager before I had to satisfy his curiosity. However, we realized at that point that we had a problem. It was then the commanders came up with the idea of a marriage of convenience.

“As I’ve said, women were regarded in these cultures as little more than commodities to be used as pawns in various arrangements and alliances, much as they were once regarded on Earth centuries ago. Once a woman married, however, she was considered to be off-limits to any other male. There was a very strict taboo against adultery. It seemed logical, therefore, to assume that if I were married, I would be left alone. And in fact, that proved to be the case. But it had to be a legitimate marriage, not a sham, in case such a deception should be discovered.

“So I turned command of the ship over to Tuvok long enough that he could marry me to Chakotay. In order to satisfy protocol as best we could, it was agreed that although legally binding, this would be a marriage in name only, and that once we had passed through that particular area of space, either of us could have it annulled. And we continued to maintain separate quarters.”

“Was the crew aware of this ‘arrangement’?”

“Oh yes, they had to be. It was possible that one of them would be questioned on the legality of our marriage – they had to know.”

The commodore nodded towards Janeway’s hand. “You say that this was a marriage of convenience only and yet you wear a wedding ring. I would have thought, under such circumstances, that you wouldn’t bother.”

Shrugging, Kathryn responded. “At first, we had to wear them all the time so there would be no question about our commitment. And later, I suppose I got used to it.” She reached to tug at it. “That’s odd,” she remarked as she tried to twist it around. “It doesn’t seem to come off anymore.”

“And now that you are home, Captain,” asked Louvois, “what do you intend to do? Are you going to stay married?”

Nonplused by the personal question, Kathryn could only stare while she gathered her wits. Damn it, the woman was simply being nosy, she had no right to ask such a question. “With all due respect, Commodore,” stated Kathryn quietly, “that is none of your business.” Sitting back in her chair, she waited for the reaction, not sure what to expect. Telling off a superior officer in front of the brass wasn’t considered a good career move but she was damned if she’d let Louvois browbeat her. 

The response came quickly from an unexpected direction. “It is if you wish Command to consider your recommendation for a full pardon for your first officer,” spoke up Fleet Admiral Alynna Nechayev from behind.

Kathryn hadn’t even realized the C-in-C was in the room. 

“You’ve placed us in a difficult position, Captain,” continued Nechayev as she walked forward, indicating to Kathryn that she should remain seated. “On the one hand, you’re demanding we honour your decisions in regards to the Maquis, but on the other, it would appear those decisions were not unbiased. I’ll be blunt, Captain. There are many here who question your objectivity.”

Kathryn swallowed her exasperation and tried again to explain the vagaries of the Delta Quadrant. “As I’ve already stated, Admiral, my marriage has been a marriage in name only. Let me be equally blunt. Commander Chakotay is a friend, a good friend, but nothing more. I have been well aware that Command might question my motives but I assure you, I have no hidden agenda. Seven years ago, the Maquis put aside their fear and hatred of Starfleet and became an integral part of my crew; without them, I would not be sitting here now. They have served Voyager faithfully and well for those seven years, and fully deserve to be forgiven their past misdeeds.” She hesitated, wondering what else she could say to convince the Board of her sincerity, before deciding she’d said enough. If she protested too much, they might think she was hiding something.

“So let me ask you again,” persisted Nechayev, who obviously was still not entirely convinced. “Now that you’re home, are you going to file for an annulment?”

“To be honest, I haven’t given it any thought.” Kathryn was getting thoroughly fed up with this line of questioning. “We’ve only been back a few weeks and I haven’t exactly had a lot of time to spend on the matter. And I haven’t even seen the commander for….” She paused to think, “I don’t even remember the last time I spoke to him.”

From the end of the table, Admiral Ross spoke up. “Alynna, can we let this go now? It seems to me Captain Janeway will deal with this matter in good time and I’d like to get on to the next item.”

Nechayev seemed about to object but thought better of it. “Very well.”

_Thank goodness!_ thought Kathryn.

* * *

Although her debriefing lasted another week, there were no more questions about her marriage. 

When she was finally dismissed, it was on the proviso that she would keep herself available for any supplementary questions the Board might have. She could expect the final results in a week or two and meanwhile, she would be allowed to resume her leave. 

With a mighty sigh of relief, she contacted her mother and, much to Gretchen’s delight, informed her she would be coming home to Indiana that afternoon for an indefinite stay.

* * *

On impulse, Kathryn chose to have the transporter deposit her at the end of the road leading to the family farm. She wanted to walk the final stretch herself, to allow her mind and heart to absorb her surroundings slowly. Only then, she realized, would she be able to acknowledge she was truly home. 

As she ambled up the drive, all her senses were on alert. Even as her eyes took in the contrast between the blue skies and the green fields, her skin was caressed by a warm little breeze, while her nose told her that the farmer in the next field had spread manure only that morning. The sounds of birds chirping in the large elm tree on her right took her back immediately to her childhood, making her pause to drink it all in. Leaning down, she broke off a long blade of grass and put it between her teeth, gnawing gently. 

With a happy sigh, she continued on her way, her heart filled with the quiet joy of homecoming.

Sudden warning barks made her stop and peer ahead in the bright sunshine. A large red blur was flying towards her and for a moment, she thought it must be Molly before realizing it couldn’t be. She’d already learned that her beloved dog had died nearly a year before. So, who was this? 

An Irish setter dashed up, barking furiously. 

Wisely, Kathryn paused, remaining still. In the near-distance, she could hear a woman’s voice shouting. “Ginger! What is it? Wait for me!”

A second later, a small, plump figure trotted into view.

For a split second, Kathryn stared before dropping her bags to run forward. “Mom!!”

Gretchen Janeway slammed to a stop, lifting a hand to shade her eyes. “Katie!! Oh, Katie!”

Not to be outdone, Ginger immediately dashed forward as well, barking excitedly.

Reaching her mother, Kathryn fell into her arms, nearly knocking her over. “Mom! Mom! It’s me!!”

Rendered speechless by sudden emotion, Gretchen Janeway could only clutch her beloved daughter tightly as tears of joy poured down her face.

* * *

When the first euphoria of her homecoming had worn off, mother and daughter settled down at the kitchen table, which Kathryn remembered so well. Running her hands gently over the smooth wood surface, the finish chipped here and there, she smiled softly. “Now it really feels like I’m home. Funny how it’s the little things that make the deepest impression.”

“I know what you mean,” Gretchen began to reply before breaking off with a sudden gasp.

Startled, Kathryn glanced up to find her mother’s eyes glued to her hand, still resting, fingers splayed out, on the table.

“Katie, dear! Is that…?!” Gretchen paused, trying to force out the words past her astonishment. “Is that a _wedding_ ring on your hand?!”

Her daughter sat silent, at a loss for words. Finding the words to explain the situation to Starfleet was one thing – to her mother, quite another.

“Katie!” Gretchen’s voice was filled with an authority that Kathryn would ignore at her peril. “Answer me!”

Suddenly, Kathryn felt as if she were ten years old, about to be hauled over the coals for some dreadful infraction. With an effort, she forced herself to remember she was a forty-six-year-old Starfleet captain, and a veteran of the Delta Quadrant. Raising her head, she looked her mother straight in the eye. “Yes.”

When it was obvious no more explanation was forthcoming, Gretchen’s face darkened. “I need to know more than that, my girl! Who is your husband? And where is he? Why haven’t you brought him home to meet me? When did this happen? And why didn’t you say anything?”

The questions were coming thick and fast. In vain, Kathryn tried to stem the flow but even her best captain’s glare had absolutely no effect. This was her mother and she would not be denied an answer.

In desperation, Kathryn held up her hands. “Mom. Mom! Mother! If you’ll stop talking for a minute, I’ll tell you.”

“See that you do. And don’t leave anything out, either.”

“I wasn’t going to – ”

“Yes, you were,” interrupted Gretchen. “I’m your mother, I know you. Now, begin at the beginning.”

With a heavy sigh, Kathryn sat back in her chair. “It began when we had to stop at a planet called Nica to negotiate for supplies. We were absolutely desperate – for food, minerals, parts, whatever we could get. It was always a battle, simply trying to survive, but at that time, it was particularly hard. I was really beginning to worry that the ship was going to fall apart beneath our feet. If, that is, we didn’t starve to death first….”

* * *

It was nearly an hour later before Kathryn finally finished her tale. In the end, she had told her mother everything – about her horrible experience with the Nican prince, how it had nearly happened again and the solution Tuvok and Chakotay had devised to circumvent the problem. 

Then she had gone on to explain how this ‘marriage’ had continued, despite the fact that over the years, everyone including herself and Chakotay had practically forgotten its existence. She finished by relating the grilling she had undergone on the subject at the Board of Inquiry only the week before. 

“I don’t know whether they believed me, Mom, although I hope so, because if they didn’t, if they think there is even a hint of bias in my reports and logs, they could well throw the book at the Maquis. And that’s not fair. Chakotay and his crew worked so hard to fit in, and I know at first it wasn’t easy for them – I couldn’t make it easy – but they did it until none of us even remembered anymore who had originated where. We were – we are – one crew. I don’t understand why this is such a difficult concept for Command to grasp. They should be grateful for the contribution the Maquis made towards getting us home, and believe me, we wouldn’t have made it back without them. Instead, the Board kept fussing about stupid, little things like whether the Maquis always followed every protocol, or,” she held up her hand, “this marriage, which was a marriage in name only.”

Throughout her daughter’s narrative, Gretchen had remained mostly silent, only occasionally interjecting a comment. But as Kathryn talked, one thing became blindingly obvious to her mother – regardless of what she said, Kathryn loved Chakotay deeply. She might not be willing to admit it, but the way her voice caressed his name and her eyes lit up left no doubt in her mother’s mind. 

When Kathryn had finished, there was silence for several minutes as they both contemplated the situation.

Finally, Gretchen asked the obvious question. “So, what _are_ you going to do about it?”

Kathryn’s reply was a shrug. “I don’t know. I guess I should talk to Chakotay but I haven’t even seen him in several weeks. They kept us isolated during our debriefings and I had no opportunity to speak to him.”

“Do you want to stay married to him? Because if you do, I don’t think you can continue on the way you have been, nor is there any reason now why you would need to. You’re not his commanding officer any more.” Gretchen paused, then put it bluntly. “The bottom line, Katie, is whether or not you love him. Do you?”

Kathryn bit her lip as she stared down at her hands, and for a moment Gretchen thought she wouldn’t answer. But then her head came up and she looked at her mother steadily. “Yes, I think I do.”

“But you’ve never told him.”

“I couldn’t, not out there, I couldn’t even think about it. I had to keep focused on getting home. That goal had to take priority over everything else.”

“Do you know how he feels about you?”

Again, Kathryn hesitated. “No, not any more. Once, a long time ago, I believe he was in love with me but…the last few years haven’t been easy. We had several pretty serious disagreements professionally which spilled over into the personal, and after, we sort of drifted apart. A lot of the time, we didn’t even remember we were married. No, that’s not quite right. We remembered, but it wasn’t a factor in our relationship, if you see what I mean.” She sighed. “And now…I don’t know, Mom, I simply don’t know.”

She sounded so resigned, almost beaten, that Gretchen decided to drop the subject for now. “Don’t worry, sweetie, it’ll work out. Now come and see what I’ve done with your old room. And I know you’ll want to talk to Phoebe. She was so sorry she couldn’t get here in time to welcome you home in person, but they’ll be back very soon….”

* * *

A week passed, then part of another before Kathryn even had time to think about dealing with her marriage. Her sister arrived home and in all the flurry of homecoming, meeting new family members as well as reconnecting with old ones, she was left with very little time to dwell on her personal situation.

At the end of ten days, Command informed her that the Board of Inquiry would be forwarding its official report to the Admiralty the following morning, at which time she should present herself at Headquarters to hear their recommendations. 

Determined not to show any sign of nervousness, despite the fact she was practically shaking in her highly-polished boots, she strode confidently into the conference room, chin up and head high. Making an entrance, Chakotay would have called it. Thinking of him reminded her that she wanted to hunt him down as soon as this was over.

The door behind her slid open to admit the three members of the Board, followed by several high-ranking officers including Admirals Nechayev and Paris. 

Gritting her teeth to hide all signs of fear, Kathryn waited, standing easily at parade rest.

“Captain Janeway,” began Admiral Ross, “this Board of Inquiry has deliberated long and hard, examining both the factual evidence of the ship’s logs as well as your personal testimony. It is our recommendation that your actions in the Delta Quadrant, not only as Captain of Voyager but also as Starfleet’s de facto representative in that part of space, be upheld in their entirety.”

Kathryn couldn’t help letting out a huge sigh of relief. The worst was over – she would avoid a court martial.

Ross continued. “We are also recommending that your requests regarding the Maquis and the surviving crew of the Equinox be granted. As of a few minutes ago, I can now state for the record that all charges against the Maquis have been dropped and they will receive full pardons. The Equinox crew will be dishonorably discharged from Starfleet but, given their exemplary behaviour while on Voyager, will face no other disciplinary action.”

She couldn’t help it. Despite the formality of the proceedings, Kathryn’s face broke into a huge grin. It was all she could do to keep from shouting for joy. They were free! The spectre of prison, which had hung over all the Maquis, in particular Chakotay, was gone, banished for good. She wanted to run out of the room there and then to find him, but the look on the admiral’s face told her there was more.

“The Board is also recommending, Captain, that you undergo extensive counseling before being given another command.”

Kathryn’s joy evaporated. Not get another ship? Why not?! He’d just said she hadn’t done anything wrong.

“This is not in any way a reflection on your abilities,” continued Ross almost gently. “Indeed, it is my personal belief that very few officers could have stood up to the pressure of captaining a ship for seven years in such a difficult situation as well as you did. But those seven years exerted an enormous pressure, Captain, one which I don’t think you’re entirely aware of but which your EMH has expressed concern about several times in your medical file. While normally, I would take the suggestions of a hologram with a large grain of salt, in this case, your EMH has proven to be an extremely intelligent and resourceful individual, whose abilities have been demonstrated on numerous occasions. Command takes his opinion seriously.”

The admiral paused, apparently making sure Janeway was quite clear about what he was saying.

“Captain Janeway, you will be placed on indefinite medical leave until such time as the counselors assigned to you agree that you are fit to resume command.” Ross got to his feet, followed by the other members of the Board. “I wish you well, Captain. Although at the moment, you may not appreciate our decision, I think in time you will come to realize that you need to rest and recuperate. For far too long, you have had to put your ship and crew first, thereby neglecting your personal needs. Now it’s time to put yourself first. Good luck. I look forward to seeing you back here soon.”

Walking up to her, Ross held out his hand. 

Automatically, Kathryn shook it, thanking him as well as everyone else present. The last one to approach her was Admiral Paris.

Bending down, he whispered in her ear. “Come down to my office, Katie, when you’re ready for a little commiseration.”

She managed to smile and nod her thanks, murmuring that she would be along shortly.

Once they were all gone, she walked slowly across to the huge window that looked down on the great plaza in front of headquarters as well as the bay beyond. Despite herself, a tear or two slid slowly down her cheeks. 

Notwithstanding all the flowery praise, she knew what the Board’s recommendation really meant She was being shunted aside, put out to pasture, but quietly, so the public wouldn’t think she was being thrown out of Starfleet. That would result in very bad publicity indeed, and these days, after the near-disaster of the Dominion War, Starfleet needed all the good publicity it could get. So, the news release would state merely that Captain Janeway was being allowed ample time for rest and recuperation from her long ordeal in the Delta Quadrant. Eventually, after everyone had forgotten about her, she would be quietly retired or, if she balked at that, shuffled into some distant outpost where no one had ever heard of Voyager.

Some little part of her questioned whether she should remain in ‘fleet but she realized she was too tired and dispirited right now to think about that. Instead, she would dry her eyes, wash her face, and go visit Owen Paris, no doubt to share a few glasses of the contraband Romulan ale he kept stashed in his office. 

With a shrug of her shoulders, she turned to leave the room. It could have been worse, she told herself, she could have been brought up on charges of breaking the Prime Directive, which was a court martial offence. And the Maquis and the Equinox crew were free – that was a major victory in itself.

As she stepped through the door, automatically her back straightened and her face assumed its usual confident expression. She might be a little bent out of shape right now but she wasn’t broken. Not by a long shot.

* * *

_"Akoochemoya, in this place near the home of my ancestors, I ask for guidance. My life is at a crossroads and I am unsure which way to go. Help me….”_

His hand on the akoonah, Chakotay slid easily into a vision quest, his mind relaxed and open. 

Immediately, he found himself running through the green fields of Dorvan, the gray wolf loping easily beside him. His heart was joyful and his feet seemed light as air as he ran for the sheer pleasure of feeling the wind blowing through his long hair. At that moment, all he wanted was to run forever, accompanied by his spirit guide.

But then the vision changed, the fields turned to dust beneath his feet even as he continued to run. Now he ran not out of joy but out of fear. Behind him, he could hear angry shouts interspersed with screams of anguish. Acrid smoke drifted across the barren land, tinged with the unmistakable odor of burning flesh. Glancing about him, he looked around for the wolf, but what he saw instead made him run even faster. A Cardassian troop carrier was bouncing across the fields behind him, rapidly catching up. Where could he go? There must be a place to hide somewhere close by….

Even as he stumbled in his haste to escape, the scene altered again. He was still on Dorvan, the fields were still barren, but now wherever he looked, there was no one. Not a soul. As he walked faster and faster across the once fertile fields, his eyes searched desperately for any living thing but there was nothing. And then he heard it – faint voices from over the next hill. Of their own accord, his feet broke into a run and he flew up the rise before skidding to a halt on the top, staring at the scene beyond.

A small group of buildings huddled against the bottom of the hill and he could see several people among them working busily at various tasks. A warm nose pushed into his hand, startling him. Looking down, he found the gray wolf sitting beside him, gazing steadily at his face. As he stared into her golden eyes, she rose to her feet and began to walk slowly down the slope towards the buildings. When he didn’t immediately follow, she paused to look back at him, her meaning clear. 

The vision faded and Chakotay opened his eyes, his decision made. Finally, he had received an answer to his question. There was no doubt in his mind about the meaning of this latest vision quest. He should go to Dorvan as soon as possible – that was his destiny.

Lifting his head, he looked about him at the red rocks of the Arizona desert. The sun was setting, and the evening breeze had picked up, ruffling his hair and sending little swirls of dust across the land. From behind, he heard footsteps and turned his head to find his cousin, Nakayta, approaching.

“Chakotay,” called Nakayta softly. “I have come with a message from Starfleet.”

Clambering to his feet, Chakotay moved to greet his cousin with a grateful smile. “Thank you for bringing it yourself,” he replied as he reached for the PADD Nakayta was holding out.

His eyes dropped to scan the words quickly and then he stopped in amazement. The Maquis were free – all charges had been dropped. Not only that but they would receive full pardons as well as half-pay for the seven years they had served on Voyager, and their field commissions had been confirmed.

After a moment, Chakotay continued to read, his shoulders sagging with relief as he murmured half to himself, “She did it. She kept her promise….” 

Beside him, Nakayta waited, his face wreathed in a huge grin. “Well, Chakotay,” he asked – obviously, he was already aware of the contents of the message – “what are you going to do now? Seems to me you have a dozen options to choose from. You could stay in Starfleet – I’ll bet they’ll make you a captain for sure. Or you could go back to teaching, or maybe find an archaeological expedition; I know you’ve always wanted to do that….”

“I’m going home,” interjected Chakotay.

Nakayta stared. “Home? You mean to Dorvan? Why?? There’s nothing left there, it’s a desert!”

“And that’s why I have to go. To help rebuild our village, our way of life.”

“But, Chakotay,” protested his cousin in disbelief. “That way of life was why you left in the first place! Why do you want to go back there now?”

For a moment, Chakotay stared out at the canyons before turning to face Nakayta. “My spirit guide is telling me in no uncertain terms that is where I should be. So, I’m going.” As he spoke, he started to walk towards the hogan nearby.

Caught off-guard, Nakayta had to hurry to catch up. “Spirit guide? But I thought you didn’t believe in all that mumbo-jumbo. That’s what you always said….”

“Let’s just say…my ideas have changed a lot in the last ten years. When I realized the Federation was going to abandon our people without compunction, the only thing that kept me going were those beliefs that I’d mocked so easily before. And in the years since, my spirit guide has never let me down. So, if she says I should go to Dorvan, then that’s where I’m going.”

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Nakayta continued to stare, then shook his head. “When?”

“As soon as I can find a transport. Our people are pretty desperate; they need all the help they can get.”

“Maybe I’ll come with you.”

Now it was Chakotay’s turn to stare. “You??”

“Sure, why not? You said they need help. There must be something I can do.”

Chakotay’s face broke into a delighted grin. “I’m sure there is and I’d be glad of your company. Give me a few minutes to throw my things together and then we can be on our way.”

“What about this place?”

“I’ll leave a note. The people here are Navajo – they’ll understand.”

Very soon after, Chakotay and his cousin piled into the rental hovercraft and set off, first to Ohio briefly to allow Nakayta to pack a few items, and then to the big interstellar port outside San Francisco.

Twelve hours later, they were on their way to Deep Space Nine.

* * *

About the same time, Chakotay and his cousin were arriving in San Francisco, Kathryn was heading home to Indiana.

As she’d foreseen, Owen Paris had indeed offered commiseration in the form of Romulan ale. By the time she’d downed the second glass, her heartache had numbed a little.

The admiral had also given her some practical advice. “Keep your head down, do everything they tell you, and you’ll be back on the captain’s list in no time,” he promised. “Command is a little concerned about some of your decisions on Voyager. The alliance with the Borg, for one, and then later with this Species 8472. And then there’s the whole matter of the Equinox.” Paris shook his head, muttering, “Very bad business, that, very bad. I can’t imagine what could have gotten into Ransom to behave as he did.”

“He was trying to protect his crew.” Kathryn had found herself unexpectedly defending the deceased captain of the Equinox. “That’s what got into him. Only he crossed the line. But he was doing the best he could to get his crew home.”

Paris had stared at her. “Surely you aren’t condoning his actions!”

“Nooo, but I understand the reasons behind them.” Leaning forward in her chair, she tried to find the words to describe what it had been like in the Delta Quadrant. “You have to realize, Admiral, that life out there was a never-ending battle for survival. And I’m not speaking metaphorically, I mean actual life and death. We did our best to uphold Starfleet principles and regulations, but when the chips were down, we did what we had to do to survive. 

“I remember chastising Captain Ransom for his experiments on nucleogenic life forms and you know what his reply was? _‘It's easy to cling to principles when you're standing on a vessel with its bulkheads intact, manned by a crew that's not starving.’_ Think about it, Admiral, he meant that literally!” She sat back in her chair. “At the time, I told him that if we turned our backs on our principles, we stopped being human, but even as I said the words, a part of me understood why he’d done it.” Shaking her head, she continued softly, “You are all so protected here, so safe, how can you possibly understand what it was like?”

“We aren’t all hidebound bureaucrats,” the admiral had retorted. “Some of us do remember what it was like.”

But Kathryn continued to shake her head. “Do you? When you were still captaining a ship in deep space, did you ever find yourself lost, with no backup, no one to call on for help, no one but your crew beside you? Did you ever have to fight tooth and nail –?” She stopped abruptly before answering her own question. “No, of course you didn’t. You’ve never been to the Delta Quadrant. No one has, except for a few of us.”

Silence had reigned for several minutes until Paris made an obvious attempt to change the subject. Gesturing at her left hand, he’d asked, “What about this marriage of yours?”

“What about it?” Kathryn shrugged.

“Tell me the truth, Katie. Is it a real marriage or simply a sham, as you testified at the inquiry?”

“It’s not real, Admiral, it never was.” Her voice held a wistful note which Paris picked up on immediately.

“But you wish it was?” he persisted.

Kathryn’s face closed down. “Of course not. It’s against every protocol in the book for a captain to become romantically involved with a member of her crew. You know that.” With that, she’d gotten to her feet. “Thank you for the sympathy and the advice, Admiral, but now I simply want to go home.”

Paris had risen as well and stepped around his desk to give her a quick hug. “Keep in touch, Katie, and don’t worry. This will pass. You’ll get another ship.”

She’d nodded politely before turning to stride out the door, her back straight and head held high. Inside, she might be hurting but she was damned if she would let it show.

* * *

Two hours later, as once again she walked up the drive towards her old home, Ginger came racing down the road towards her, tail flying, barking furiously. 

Kathryn paused to wait for the dog to recognize her. “Hey, Ginger, don’t you remember me? I haven’t been gone _that_ long.”

At the sound of her voice, the setter skidded to a halt, then leaned forward carefully to sniff her hand. Satisfied that she was a friend, his tail wagged furiously in apology as he pranced around her.

“Silly dog,” she told him affectionately, her fingers sliding across the smooth head to pull gently on long, silky ears. “You’re certainly a classic representative of your breed, aren’t you? Beautiful but dumb.”

Ginger grinned cheerfully at the warm tone of voice, his tongue lolling out of his mouth as he pushed his nose into her hand.

“Apology accepted,” she told him. “Come on now,” she added, as the setter showed signs of interest in the nearby field. “No hunting rabbits today. Time to go home.”

Together, the two continued up the drive to the house, Ginger’s welcoming yips alerting Gretchen that someone was arriving. Looking out the window, she felt her heart stop at the sight of her beloved elder daughter walking across the lawn accompanied by the bouncing Irish setter. “Now there’s a sight that takes me back,” she remarked to herself. “Could be seven years ago if it weren’t for the different hairstyle.”

Moving to the front door, she opened it and called to Kathryn. “Welcome home. I hope it’s good news?”

“Good and bad,” replied Kathryn, as she came up the steps onto the verandah. “The good news is I won’t be court martialed and the Maquis have all received full pardons.”

“Katie!” exclaimed her mother, “that’s wonderful. I’m so pleased.” Her eyes searched her daughter’s face. “And the bad news?”

“I have to undergo counseling before Command will even consider giving me another ship.”

“But – that’s a good idea, isn’t it?”

“I believe it’s just an excuse to get rid of me, Mom.” Kathryn’s voice was bitter. “I don’t think they have any intention of allowing me to command ever again.”

Gretchen scowled as she mulled over the conversation. “It’s hard to say, honey. It might be a smokescreen but equally possible, it might be quite legitimate. I mean you _were_ all alone for a long, long time with no support.” She peered at Kathryn, noting the new lines around her eyes and mouth. “It seems to me you could benefit from some counseling.”

But Kathryn was shaking her head, clearly unconvinced. “It strikes me as a little too pat,” she answered. Glancing down at her hand, she examined the ring on her finger. “And then there’s this whole business.”

“Were you able to speak to Chakotay?”

“No, I thought about looking for him, but by the time I’d finished ‘commiserating’ with Owen Paris, all I wanted to do was come home.” She shrugged. “Oh well, I’ll find him eventually. There’s no hurry, after all.”

Gretchen wasn’t so sure. “Seems to me that all the reasons why yours was a marriage of convenience don’t really hold much water nowadays. You’re all home safe, you’re not his superior officer any more. Doesn’t it make sense to try and get it sorted out? Don’t you think he must want that as well?” 

“I don’t know, I suppose so. We never discussed it.”

But Gretchen was perturbed. “Well, to my way of thinking, you certainly should have! For heaven’s sake, Katie, this is your husband we’re talking about, not some casual acquaintance!”

With a sigh, Kathryn plunked herself down in the nearest chair. “Mom,” she tried to explain, “it wasn’t like that. As I’ve told you already, we married to protect me from the attentions of petty tyrants like the Nican prince and the governor of Mortallah. That was the only reason.”

“Katie Janeway! Last week, you told me you thought you were in love with him. Isn’t that still true? Don’t you _want_ to tell him how you feel?”

“Right now,” responded Kathryn, struggling out of the wicker chair, “all I want is to have a long soak in a nice hot bath and then sit out here with a pot of coffee on the table next to me. Then and only then will I think about it.”

And with that, Gretchen had to be content. Well aware how stubborn her daughter could be, she decided to let the situation alone for a while. With any luck, Katie would soon see for herself that she couldn’t continue on in this ridiculous excuse for a marriage.

* * *

Although she had promised to consider her options regarding her marriage, in fact, Kathryn was making a determined effort to procrastinate for as long as she could. Thinking about her marriage made her think about Chakotay, which led in turn to her crew and her ship – her beloved Voyager, apparently now lost to her for good.

_In all those seven years, why did I never realize that Voyager was my home? How could I have been so blind?_ ran the thought over and over through her weary brain.

A day later, a Starfleet counselor, Lieutenant Marda Stul, contacted Kathryn to arrange an appointment for her first counseling session.

Two days after, gritting her teeth, Kathryn dutifully presented herself at Headquarters. Although she had no objection to counselors per se, she wasn’t holding out much hope that anyone who hadn’t undergone the experiences she had could do her much good. _No one here can really understand,_ she thought as she waited in the outer office. _How can they? None of them has ever been stranded for seven years in the Delta Quadrant._

At that moment, she became aware she was being stared at. Looking up, she discovered a pleasant-looking woman of about her own age, studying her carefully. “I heard that,” stated the woman abruptly. “Let’s not jump to conclusions too quickly, all right?”

“Excuse me?” Kathryn was nonplused and then she realized. “You’re Betazoid.”

“Yes,” replied the woman, walking forward to shake hands. “I’m Counselor Marda Stul. Come in, please. I’d like to get started right away.”

Once seated, she leaned forward to peer intently at Kathryn. “Since you believe that since I wasn’t there, I won’t be able to relate to your experiences in the Delta Quadrant, why don’t we begin with you telling me about them? And I mean every little detail. For starters, how did you feel when you first realized where you were?”

Aware now that she couldn’t prevaricate with a telepath, Kathryn cast her mind back seven years to the moment when Harry Kim had announced they had been thrown seventy thousand light years across the galaxy. “What did I feel? For a split second – sheer terror, and then the damage reports started coming in and I had to concentrate on the situation at hand. By the time we’d stabilized the ship as much as we could, I was too exhausted to feel anything. It was really only after a few days had passed that it began to sink in.”

Stul nodded. “And then?”

“Then, nothing. I didn’t have time to worry about me, Counselor. I was too busy trying to hold my ship together, find food before we ran out of rations and starved to death, fight off repeated attacks by the Kazon, try to keep the lid on conflicts between the Maquis and Starfleet crews…. You get the idea. Throughout the first year, for every three steps forward, we took two back. Looking back on it now, I really have no idea how we survived, except we did.” She paused, attempting to find the words to describe the constant pressure under which they had all lived, the ups and downs, never knowing from one day to the next whether they would be able to stay on course for home. “It’s…difficult to explain.”

Deciding to try a different tack, Stul indicated her wedding ring. “Your file doesn’t indicate you’re married so I assume this is a recent event. Is your husband the man you were engaged to when your ship was lost?”

“No,” replied Kathryn tersely. “My husband is Commander Chakotay, my first officer on Voyager.” At Stul’s surprised look, Kathryn added, “It has not been a marriage in the usual sense, Counselor, which is why we chose not to ‘bother’ Command about it. Several years into our journey, we found ourselves in an area of space where females were not held in high regard. After two incidents, my first and second officers decided the best way to ensure my personal safety was to provide me with a husband. Chakotay volunteered. 

“We had thought to annul it once we were past that region of space, but the safety net it provided worked so well that we decided to stay married until we reached the Federation. It has been a marriage in name only, you understand; we are not and never have been intimately involved.”

“I gather you haven’t annulled it, then,” stated Stul. “Why not?”

“I haven’t had time to even think about it,” replied Kathryn firmly. “To be honest, we both rather forgot about it.”

“But don’t you think you should do something about it?”

“I suppose.” Kathryn sounded doubtful. “I’d have to find Chakotay and I’m not sure where he is at the moment.”

“Would you like me to find out?”

“Sure,” shrugged Kathryn.

“Very well.” Stul got up. “I think that’s enough for today. I’d like to see you two or three times a week, Captain, and I want you to try and recall as much detail as you can about your feelings while you were in the Delta Quadrant.”

Kathryn tried not to roll her eyes. Her feelings! Ye gods! Couldn’t the woman understand she’d spent nearly all her time worrying about whether or not they were going to live one more day?! Out of necessity, personal feelings had taken a back seat very early on in their journey.

“That’s a large part of your problem, Captain,” Stul was speaking softly, “because believe it or not, you did have feelings out there. You are simply refusing to acknowledge them.”

Damn Betazoid! Kathryn didn’t even bother to try to hide her irritation this time.

“I’ve been called worse.” The counselor smiled gently. “I’ll see you in two days, and hopefully by then, we will have tracked down your errant husband.”

“Very well. Good day, Counselor.” With a sigh, Kathryn walked out of the office into the busy corridor. This was going to be a complete waste of time! Except, she was forced to admit, for Stul’s assistance in finding Chakotay. That could prove very useful indeed.

* * *

When Kathryn returned to visit Counselor Stul in another two days, she was met with some surprising news.

“Commander Chakotay is not on Earth,” Stul informed her resignedly. “It took quite a while but eventually, I learned that while waiting for a decision on the status of the Maquis, he spent most of his time near a Navajo settlement in northern Arizona.”

Kathryn’s eyebrows shot up. “Navajo? Wait a minute, I remember him saying once Arizona was a place he loved. Perhaps that’s why he went there. So, have you spoken with him?”

“No, I haven’t because he and another man left the area about a week ago and are now en route to Dorvan Five.”

“A week ago….” Kathryn mused. “That’s when the Maquis were informed of the pardon.” She paused, clearly calculating. “Who was the man with him?”

Stul picked up a PADD. “A civilian called Nakayta.”

“Nakayta. I think that’s the name of Chakotay’s cousin in Ohio, in fact I’m pretty sure it is. It would appear they have both returned to the ancestral lands, wouldn’t it?”

“Apparently so.” Stul glanced at Kathryn’s hand. “It would seem a decision on your marriage will need to be delayed again. I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.”

“Not to worry. It’s waited this long, it can wait a little longer.”

Her clear dismissal of the matter left Stul with little choice but to acquiesce. Nodding, she reached for another PADD. “Very well. Let’s move on to a different area….”

* * *

Over the course of the nearly two weeks it took him to reach his home planet, Chakotay had ample opportunity to wonder if, despite the clear indications from his spirit guide, he had, in fact, made a big mistake.

Living in close quarters again – a situation he hadn’t been in for seven years – only exacerbated his feelings. Despite their kinship, he didn’t know his cousin very well. Nakayta was over ten years his junior; Chakotay had left Dorvan to attend the Academy when the younger man was barely past the toddler stage.

As well, being out in deep space again so soon after the end of Voyager’s long journey brought all sorts of memories to the forefront of his mind before he’d had a chance to really resolve his experiences in the Delta Quadrant.

Originally, he’d gone to Arizona to find quiet and space. He wanted to be in a place where his view was not of unfamiliar starfields, but instead of the land and the sky for as far as he could see in every direction. He’d wanted to wake up each morning to the soft sound of the wind soughing around the walls of the hogan, and the clean smell of the desert drifting in past the door flap. And he’d wanted to be completely alone, so he might meditate in a silence broken only by the wind or the occasional bird or animal. He’d wanted to live in the traditional ways, with no modern conveniences, the way he’d been brought up. In other words, he wanted to distance himself as much as possible from starships and technology and voices – from all that he had lived with for seven years. Only then, he’d believed, could he settle his mind and emotions enough that he could determine what course his life should take next.

And at the beginning of the long journey back to Dorvan, he’d really been sure that he was on the right track, that returning home to help rebuild his village and restore his tribe, was what he was meant to do.

But on the first night out, Nakayta had asked about the gold band Chakotay wore. Although initially Chakotay brushed him off, his cousin, realizing there was a story here, persisted until finally Chakotay related the entire tale. 

When Nakayta understood that not only was his cousin married but married to the starship captain who had originally been sent to capture him, his eyes had grown wide with astonishment. “You mean to tell me that you married the woman sent to arrest you? And you’re still married?! But – where is she? Why isn’t she with you? What – ?” 

He got no farther.

“I married her because at the time, it was the only way to ensure her safety while we crossed a dangerous region of the Delta Quadrant. And after a while, we sort of forgot about it.”

Nakayta blinked in consternation. “You forgot?? How could you forget about something like that? And you still haven’t explained why she isn’t here.”

“It wasn’t the usual kind of marriage, cousin,” explained Chakotay with a sigh of resignation. “It was a marriage of convenience, in name only. We never lived as husband and wife.”

“Oh.” Nakayta continued to stare at his cousin, trying to interpret what Chakotay wasn’t saying. Finally, he ventured, “But would you like to have been?”

“Been what?”

“A real husband to your wife.”

_Crunch time_, thought Chakotay, remembering one of Kathryn’s favourite expressions. Her face swam through his mind and he fought to keep his expression neutral. Turning to face Nakayta, he saw only sympathy on his cousin’s face. “Yes, I wanted that – very much, but it was not to be.” His eyes fell to his hands as he twisted the gold ring.

For a moment, Nakayta remained silent but curiosity got the better of him. “Where is she now? Have you been in touch with her since you arrived at Earth?”

“No. I saw her a few times, mostly at the various celebrations marking Voyager’s return, but there was no chance to talk to her then. And once, we ran into each other at Headquarters, but we were both late for appointments and couldn’t stop to chat. I…would assume she is in San Francisco, or maybe at her mother’s in Indiana. She’s probably either been made an admiral or she’s got another command. I can’t imagine her settling for anything else and Kathryn usually gets what she goes after.” He paused, still playing with his ring. “I guess I should have made an effort to get in touch with her and resolve our situation but…I didn’t. Now, for all I know, she’s out in space again with a new ship and crew.” 

His voice was so despondent that Nakayta realized the subject of his wife made Chakotay very unhappy. “Don’t worry, cousin, it will all work out somehow. Meanwhile, once we get there, I expect we’ll have so much to do on Dorvan that you won’t have any time or energy left to be worrying about an errant wife.”

Chakotay’s only response was a nod as he turned away to gaze blindly out the viewport. As far as he was concerned, the sooner they reached Dorvan Five, the better. There, he could bury all these painful memories with hard work.

* * *

**Part 3:**

Gradually, Kathryn settled into a routine. Three times a week, she transported to San Francisco for a counseling session with Marda Stul. The rest of the time she was free to occupy herself as she wished. 

The counselor had declared her belief that unplanned leisure activity was most therapeutic. Therefore, with this dictate in mind, on the second day of her new regimen, Kathryn stood on the back porch of her mother’s house surveying the somewhat unkempt lawn and garden.

Although Gretchen had always prided herself on maintaining a large and varied garden, in recent years she had found it increasingly difficult to look after. As a result, several of the flowerbeds as well as portions of the lawn had reverted to nature.

“We call them native plants,” Gretchen chuckled, as she stood beside Kathryn, who was eying the invasive growth with a scowl.

Her daughter glanced at her skeptically. “You mean weeds,” she retorted bluntly.

“Well, yes,” conceded Gretchen, “but ‘native plants’ sounds so much better, don’t you think?”

“Rather than finding a way to justify their existence, why don’t we get rid of them?”

“That’s all very well when you’re young, dear, but at my age, it’s not so easy to crouch down pulling weeds by the hour!”

“Then how about I do it?”

Gretchen stared at her daughter in astonishment. “You?? But you hate gardening just as much as cooking!”

“Not anymore,” replied Kathryn softly. “When we were on New Earth, one of my favourite pastimes was gardening.” She gave a wistful sigh. “I still wonder sometimes if my Talaxian tomato plants survived. They were coming along so nicely and then we had to leave.”

Her mother glanced at her curiously. “New Earth? Was that the planet you were marooned on for several months?”

“Yes. Chakotay and I were infected with a virus that was fatal if we left the planet’s atmosphere. So, we stayed and Voyager continued to head for the Alpha Quadrant – or so we thought. But after a few weeks, the crew was able to acquire an antidote to the virus from a people known as the Vidiians and so they returned to rescue us.” Her voice drifted silent as she became lost in memories.

Watching her closely, Gretchen realized that possibly the rescue hadn’t been an unmixed blessing. “It must have been lonely for you with only one other person there, when you were used to being surrounded by people.”

“You’d think so,” Kathryn replied after a moment, “but no, I never was. I missed the ship, of course, and I worked very hard to find a cure for the virus so we could leave. In fact, Chakotay chastised me several times for spending all my time fighting our situation instead of trying to make the best of it. Maybe he was right, I don’t know. The funny thing was that when Voyager did come back, part of me didn’t want to go.” She shook her head, laughing self-consciously. “Silly, wasn’t it?”

But Gretchen didn’t agree. “No, I think it was quite understandable. You were…what? Three months on that planet?”

Kathryn nodded.

“By then, you had started to build a life there, to make a home. Of course, it was hard for you to leave.”

“Yes, it was,” murmured Kathryn, her voice suddenly husky with suppressed emotion, “much harder than I expected. I was…happy…there.” She fell silent, compressing her lips into a thin line to force down the sudden lump in her throat. Damn! After all these years, it still hurt when she remembered all she’d given up to resume command of her ship.

“Is that when you fell in love with Chakotay?” asked Gretchen, seizing the moment to satisfy her curiosity.

“Pretty much,” replied her daughter. “I’d found him attractive from the start – we hit it off almost immediately despite our circumstances. But of course, there was Mark and I wasn’t about to give up on _him_ just because we were seventy thousand light years from home.”

“No, of course not,” murmured her mother, knowing how stubborn Kathryn could be.

“But despite that, as well as the fact that we were constantly fighting for our lives in those first weeks and months and we certainly didn’t have time for personal considerations at all, there was always a connection, an undercurrent between Chakotay and me. Living together in a small shelter for three months only strengthened that connection. So often, I only had to look at him to know what he was thinking, and it was the same for him.” Her eyes softened. “He’s the best friend I’ve ever had, and he always will be.”

“Katie, I realize Starfleet wouldn’t have approved of you indulging in a full-blown love affair with your first officer, but couldn’t you have had some kind of understanding, some acknowledgment of your feelings?”

But Kathryn shook her head. “I didn’t dare. I couldn’t let him know how I felt in so many words, no matter how much I wanted to. Our situation was complicated enough without adding personal feelings. As well, I knew that if there were to be any hope at all of getting Starfleet to agree to my recommendation that the Maquis be pardoned, I had to ensure that my relationship with their captain was as transparent as I could make it. Even our so-called marriage was really pushing the bounds of protocol. I absolutely could not allow any hint of intimacy, of anything more than a strictly platonic friendship, otherwise I feared that Command would imprison all of them. As it was, Admiral Nechayev herself questioned my objectivity. I really didn’t know whether I’d been able to convince the Board until I heard their verdict.”

Gretchen reached over to pat her hand. “But you did convince them, Katie, you succeeded in freeing them. So, don’t you think that now you might allow yourself to indulge in a little personal happiness?”

“In what way?”

“Go and find Chakotay. Tell him what you’ve told me.”

“I don’t know, Mom. He’s not on Earth, you know, he’s gone to Dorvan. Maybe he doesn’t want me around anymore.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“To tell you the truth, I don’t know what to believe,” replied Kathryn wearily.

“Well, believe this. You need to sort out your marriage situation one way or another. You can’t continue in this ‘marital limbo’ that you’re in now, and neither should he. For both your sakes, you need to talk it out with him and come to some decisions.”

“Hmm, I’ll think about it.”

But Gretchen shook her head decisively. “Not think. Do!”

Kathryn’s face set. “When I’m ready, Mom,” she replied firmly. “In the meantime, I’m going to start cleaning up those flowerbeds.” As she spoke, she trotted down the steps and over to the nearest plot.

Her mother watched her for a minute or two before turning to plod slowly into the house, her heart heavy with worry. She knew all too well that her daughter could be pushed only so far before she pushed back. Well, there was always tomorrow….

* * *

Unbeknownst to her, Gretchen had an unexpected ally in Marda Stul.

On several occasions, the counselor suggested that Kathryn attempt to contact Chakotay, even going so far as to investigate how he might be reached on a planet in such a remote part of space. But each time, her advice was met with resistance.

Although at first, Kathryn had seemed amenable to a discussion with him concerning their marriage, once she learned he’d left Earth, she lost all interest in the idea and in fact, actively refused to talk about it. As yet, Marda hadn’t been able to discover why.

She was finding her patient to be quite a challenge. 

The captain was a shrewd, intelligent, articulate individual, well able to spot verbal pitfalls and avoid them. Aware of her counselor’s telepathic abilities, she kept her emotions under tight control and very rarely dropped her guard. So far, Marda had been unable to penetrate the captain’s mask to discover the person beneath. Whenever Janeway walked through her door, she was always smiling and confident, her bearing authoritative. And to every query about her wellbeing, she had the same answer. “Oh, I’m fine.”

Marda quickly learned that while Kathryn was perfectly willing to regale her for hours on end with tales of Voyager’s adventures in the Delta Quadrant, she was unwilling to discuss her own feelings nor had she permitted Marda to examine her personal logs.

By definition, personal logs were just that – personal – and were carefully protected by numerous privacy laws. However, it was generally accepted that those individuals undergoing counseling would make the logs available to their counselors upon request. 

Twice, Marda had asked if she might be allowed to read them and both times, the answer had been a cold stare followed by a flat refusal. Realizing that her patient was extremely uncomfortable with the idea, she had let it go and changed the subject. However, the thought continued to nag at her that the answers to a lot of her questions about Kathryn’s emotional state could be found in those logs.

Looking for another approach through Kathryn’s barriers, one day she again brought up the subject of the marriage, this time determined to find out why her patient was so resistant to discussing it.

At first, Kathryn objected just as she’d done before. “We’ve already been through this, Counselor,” she chided, “several times. As I’ve told you before, I’m not prepared to discuss my marriage with Starfleet or with you, nor do I have to.”

“No, you don’t,” agreed Marda, “but if you ever want to find your name on the captain’s list again, I suggest you be a little more cooperative.” Her tone remained pleasant but there was a firmness in it that told Kathryn the threat was real. The counselor wasn’t prepared to back down again.

With a sigh, Kathryn conceded. “Very well. What do you want to know?”

“You don’t seem to want to make any effort to resolve your marital situation, yet you can’t or won’t give me any reason why.”

Kathryn exploded. “This is ridiculous! Why do you keep harping on it?! What the hell does my marriage have to do with my ability to command a ship?!”

Keeping her voice very calm, Marda replied, “It has everything to do with it. Plain and simple, I believe you’re in denial, Kathryn. You refuse to acknowledge your feelings at all, never mind deal with them. This whole business of your marriage is a case in point. You seem to think if you ignore it long enough, it will go away. Well, I’ve got news for you. It won’t. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to deal with it just as you’re going to have to deal emotionally with everything you went through in the Delta Quadrant, and as of now, you haven’t done that. From what I’ve seen so far, you are an emotional time bomb, and you are certainly in no fit state to command anything!”

Kathryn’s face was white with shock and anger and for a moment, she found it hard to speak. But like any good captain, she rebounded quickly and to the point. “Let me get this straight. You mean to tell me that if I go talk to Chakotay and sort out our marital issues, you’ll recommend my name go back on the captain’s list?!” Her tone left no doubt what she thought of such an idiotic suggestion.

Marda held her ground. “It would definitely be a start.”

“Well, that’s just plain foolishness! One has nothing to do with the other!”

“They have everything to do with each other, and you know it.”

Silence fell as each woman waited for the other to break.

Marda remained seated behind her desk, her eyes fixed on her patient, who was on her feet, pacing restlessly back and forth.

Finally, Kathryn came to a halt in front of her. “All right, you win. I’ll go see him.” She swung away, muttering, “God, if I’d known how much trouble this damned marriage was going to cause, I would have taken my chances with the Mortallahn governor!”

“Let me know when you wish to go and I’ll clear it with Command.”

Again, Kathryn was rendered nearly speechless. She gaped at Marda. “You mean I need your permission to go to Dorvan??”

“You need my permission to leave Earth, yes.”

“I didn’t know I was a prisoner.” Kathryn’s tone was verging on sulky.

“You’re not as long as you stay on this planet but if you want to go anywhere else, your movements are…restricted.”

“Why?!”

Marda smiled gently to take the sting out of her words. “I think Starfleet is afraid you might skip out on your counseling sessions. I gather you have a history of avoiding medical treatment whenever you can get away with it.” She glanced at a PADD on her desk. “Or at least that was the way your EMH described it.”

“Damned hologram! I knew I should have let B’Elanna reprogram him!”

“He only has your best interests at heart, Captain, and I must say, he does seem to know you pretty well.”

Her conciliatory words were met with a growl. “Too well.”

For a moment longer, Kathryn stood glaring at her counselor before abruptly dropping into a chair. “So how do we go about arranging this…travel permit?”

“You tell me when you wish to leave and I inform Command. I can’t imagine there will be any difficulty. Oh, and you shouldn’t travel alone. Command will want you to be accompanied by –”

“Don’t tell me!” interrupted Kathryn. “A responsible adult! Lord, I feel about five years old!” She paused then added with a snarl. “Would my mother be responsible enough, or do I have to have an official minder?”

“I’d like to meet your mother first. Could she come with you next time?”

“I’ll have to ask.”

“Very well.” Marda got to her feet. “I think that’s enough for today.” She stepped around the desk then sat on the edge of it. “Kathryn, try to be positive about this and it will be much more pleasant for everyone, not least of all yourself.”

After a moment, Kathryn nodded then rose as well and turned to the door. “I’ll see you on Thursday. With my mother.”

“I look forward to meeting her.”

* * *

Gretchen Janeway immediately hit it off with Marda Stul. The two women instantly recognized their common concern for Kathryn. Very quickly, they had their heads together in a practical discussion of ways to coax her into accepting and working through the emotional fallout from seven years captaining a ship in the Delta Quadrant. When Marda brought up the subject of Kathryn’s marriage, Gretchen was in complete agreement with her suggestion on how to deal with it.

“I’ll be only too pleased to accompany Kathryn to Dorvan,” she stated, “I’ve been urging her to find Chakotay and sort it out. Besides, I’ve never been that far away from Earth before – it will be a new and exciting experience. As well, I’m very anxious to meet my son-in-law.”

“You don’t know him?”

“Not really. I was introduced at the welcome home party, but it was such a mob of people, I had no chance to say anything at all beyond how-do-you-do. And then they were in debriefing and after that, he was gone. I’d welcome the chance to get to know him, he means so much to Kathryn.”

Marda stared at her speculatively but resisted asking whether Gretchen knew exactly how much he meant. After all, the subject of their discussion was standing barely two feet away and, if the feelings radiating from her were any indication, none too happy about being discussed as if she weren’t there. So, she confined herself to stating that Kathryn and Gretchen should let her know when their travel plans were finalized and she would get the necessary permission from Starfleet.

“That sounds just fine,” replied Gretchen, taking the lead. “We’ll be in touch.” She glanced at her daughter, who was standing silently to one side, a mutinous expression on her face. “Ready to go, Katie?”

The glare intensified as Kathryn’s eyes rested on her mother, but Gretchen ignored it completely, continuing to face her daughter with one brow raised in question. “Katie?”

“Yes, I’m ready.”

“Good.” Gretchen held out her hand to Stul. “A pleasure to meet you, Counselor, we’ll be talking soon.”

A moment later, they were gone, allowing Marda to finally indulge herself in a hearty laugh. Kathryn Janeway might be a vaunted starship captain, but against her own mother, she didn’t stand a chance.

* * *

Within a week, the journey to Dorvan had been arranged.

As she handed the PADD containing Starfleet’s official permission to leave Earth to Kathryn, Marda couldn’t help giving her a quick hug as well. “Don’t worry,” she told her.

“I’m not worried,” replied Kathryn automatically.

Marda scowled. “Kathryn! Remember who you’re talking to.”

That remark earned her a chuckle. “Well, all right,” conceded her patient, “maybe I’m a little worried.”

“I’m glad to hear it. It tells me there’s a human being underneath that captain’s facade after all.”

Kathryn rolled her eyes but didn’t dignify this sally with a response.

“Let me know how it goes, please.”

“Do you need daily reports?” Kathryn’s tone definitely verged on the sarcastic but Marda only smiled gently.

“I’m not asking as your counselor, only as someone genuinely hoping for a happy ending.”

Blushing slightly in embarrassment, Kathryn’s voice became much more conciliatory. “I’m sorry, I guess this whole business has me more on edge than I realized. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“You are allowed to snap and even snarl at your counselor, you know, it’s in the rulebook. You just can’t beat her over the head with it.”

Kathryn chuckled. “Fair enough. And Marda, thank you, I know you have my best interests at heart. I promise to let you know how it all turns out.”

“Take care, Kathryn, and safe journey.”

* * *

The first leg of the journey to Deep Space Nine proved uneventful if unexpectedly difficult for Kathryn. She was so used to being the one in charge, in the centre seat, that to be forced to sit back while someone else ran the ship proved to be unusually difficult. 

The second time that her mother inquired why she was so fidgety, Kathryn had to acknowledge that the lowly position of passenger made her more tense and nervous than facing a whole armada of Borg cubes. “I’m used to knowing what’s going on, to being in control. Not knowing is driving me crazy!”

“You simply need something to do, dear,” replied Gretchen calmly. “Why don’t you tell me more about Chakotay and the other Maquis? I’d like to know the sort of people they are before we get there.”

Kathryn shrugged. “I’m not sure where to start.”

“Well, start at the beginning. What did you think when you first met him? What was your impression of him?”

“Hmm, let me see. Strong, sure of himself but not arrogant, angry, I remember he was furious when he found out Tuvok was a spy and even more so when he spotted Tom Paris on the bridge. I had to physically stop him from attacking Tom.”

“Dear me!” Gretchen blinked, trying to reconcile this picture with the man whom her daughter had declared to be her best friend. “Not a very promising start, was it?”

“No, I suppose not and yet, even as enraged as he was, he was still able to put the greater good of others ahead of his own feelings. But that’s Chakotay all over.”

“Lost so far away from everything you knew, weren’t you terrified out of your wits?”

“You sound like Marda, that’s what she was always asking. ‘How did you feel when you found yourself in the Delta Quadrant’?” Kathryn didn’t hide her sarcasm. “It took me a while to get through to her that I didn’t have time to _feel_ anything! I was too busy trying to hold my ship together and keep my crew alive.”

“But during those first days and weeks, it seems to me there must have been times when you were frightened and lonely, and too scared to show it because you had to be strong for everyone else. Was that what it was like, Katie?”

Kathryn stared at her in near-astonishment. “Yes, Mom, it was, but how did you know?”

Her mother shrugged. “You’re so like your father, and I think if he’d been in that situation, that’s how he would have reacted. Always the strong one, that was Edward….” She smiled at the memories but then her face fell into sober lines. “There’s something else I’ve been wanting to ask you although maybe you don’t feel like talking about it.”

“You can ask me anything, Mom.”

Gretchen hesitated, obviously searching for words. “It’s about the time you nearly died in a shuttle crash. I’ve read the official report, you know.”

Kathryn stared. “How did you see that? Those reports are classified.”

“I still have a few friends at Headquarters.” Again, Gretchen paused, apparently not willing to elaborate on exactly who the friends were, although Kathryn could make a pretty good guess.

“Can I assume Owen Paris is one of them?”

“You can assume what you like, Katie, I’m not naming any names.” She leaned forward intently. “What I read indicated that you thought you met your father and I wanted to know exactly what happened.”

Taking a deep breath, Kathryn cast her mind back to a dark cave on a barren planetoid deep in the Delta Quadrant, watching Chakotay frantically trying to revive her. The sheer terror in his voice, so at odds with his usual calm demeanor, had made a vivid impression on her. She remembered well how he’d cried out panic-stricken as he pounded on her chest. _“Breathe, Kathryn! Breathe! Don’t you die on me!” _ And the tears running down his cheeks as he swept her lifeless body into his arms, whispering, _“Kathryn!! You can’t die.” _

“It was, without a doubt, the most…unusual…experience I’ve ever undergone,” she began slowly, “and at the time, the most frightening too, although I think assimilation by the Borg was worse.” She settled back into her chair, dredging up memories which, for a long time after the event, she had tried to push away. “At first, I was so confused, I wasn’t sure where I was or why Chakotay couldn’t see me and then to watch him trying to revive my dead body….” Kathryn shivered in spite of herself. “That was really unnerving. For a while, I thought we were caught in a temporal time loop – over and over, we’d be in the shuttle and then things would start to go wrong. Once, the Vidiians blew us up; another time, we were killed by them in the cave; a third time, I contracted the phage and the doctor eu

Despite herself, Gretchen uttered a soft gasp of horror.

Kathryn glanced at her. “Oh, the entity had an endless supply of scenarios, I assure you. But then it figured out how to become Daddy – and that was the worst of all. At first, it knew exactly what to say to make me believe it really was Dad; it even led me through my memorial service. But it kept trying to coax me away from Voyager, telling me I was dead and they didn’t need me anymore, when all I wanted to do was stay. Again and again, it said it was trying to protect me from further pain. That’s when I began to realize it wasn’t Daddy at all. He always said that in order to live properly, a person had to experience all of life – the good and the bad.”

Gretchen smiled gently. “Yes, he did. I think that was his favourite motto and he certainly lived up to it.”

“After that, I began to see flashes of the cave again, looking up at Chakotay and Tuvok and the doctor, and they were all telling me to fight. Then I knew that they were the reality and everything else was a hallucination.” She fell silent, her face somber with the memory.

“What happened then?”

Blinking at the sound of her mother’s voice, Kathryn shrugged slightly. “Oh well, when it realized it had lost, that I knew I hadn’t died, it went away, back into its matrix.” Although she tried to keep her tone matter-of-fact, Kathryn couldn’t quite hide the horror of the entity’s final words.

Watching her daughter carefully, Gretchen picked up on it at once. “What did it say, Katie?”

Again, Kathryn shivered. “It said _‘You're in a dangerous profession, Captain. You face death everyday. There'll be another time and I'll be waiting. Eventually you'll come into my matrix and you will nourish me for a long, long, time.’_ Believe me, I haven’t forgotten a word!”

Gretchen shivered as well. “I don’t imagine you have. Nevertheless, I think you should remember the fact that you did survive, that you didn’t allow it to win.” She leaned forward, emphasizing her words. “Death is such a frightening inevitability. On an intellectual level, of course, we’re all aware of it, but on an emotional level, most of us try very hard to push it away. You know that yourself, only too well. What you faced with that entity was your own mortality but this time you were able to outwit it.” For a moment, she paused, searching for words. “That won’t always be the case, Katie, I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. So, I think you have to remember Daddy’s motto – experience life to the fullest. And that includes telling the man you love how you feel. If, for whatever reason, he decides not to follow up on it, at least you’ve done what you could and you’ll find you can go on with your life more easily than to always have the might-have-beens hanging over you. And if he chooses to accept your love,” Gretchen’s face burst into a big smile, “well, the possibilities are limitless.”

Kathryn didn’t answer at first, her eyes downcast as she absently studied the floor, her expression a frown. Presently, she looked up at her mother. “I hear what you’re saying, Mom, and I know you’re right. But it’s not easy for me.”

“I know, dear, but if you can find the courage, the rewards can be endless.”

Giving her mother a tight little smile, Kathryn huddled into her chair and relapsed into silence.

Gretchen debated whether to add anything else before deciding she had probably said enough. Kathryn could be stubborn to a fault, as she knew only too well. Too much discussion could well push her into resisting the entire reason for their journey to Dorvan, and from what Gretchen had learned, that would be a terrible shame. She was well aware that her daughter’s happiness rested on this trip and she would do nothing to jeopardize that. After a moment or two, she rose to her feet and casually announced she was going to the restaurant for a cup of coffee.

Wrapped up in her thoughts, Kathryn didn’t even hear her leave.

* * *

With a tight connection at Deep Space Nine, the Janeway women barely had time to traverse the corridors from one docking ring to the next in order to board the ship about to depart for the border colonies.

Only when they finally collapsed in their cabin, out of breath after a mad dash through the station, did Kathryn remember this was the last place in the Alpha Quadrant Voyager had docked before setting course for the Badlands to hunt for the Maquis. The realization made her laugh, which caused her mother to glance at her curiously.

“What?” demanded Gretchen when Kathryn continued to chuckle without explanation.

“I just realized this is where Voyager’s adventure began,” replied her daughter with a smile. She stretched in the chair, letting her head rest on the back. “In some ways, it seems so long ago yet in other ways, as if it was just yesterday. If only we’d known what was about to happen….” 

“Are you glad it did, Katie?”

Kathryn looked up. “You mean glad we got swept away to the Delta Quadrant? I certainly wasn’t for a long time, years in fact, but eventually…yes, I was. Despite all that happened, the disasters, the worry, losing members of my crew, I wouldn’t have missed those seven years for anything.” She paused to peer at her mother. “I know it was hard for you, Mom, in fact I’m sure at times it was intolerable. That was the worst part, knowing how much you must be grieving and not able to tell you we were alive. I felt very guilty about that, more than anything else, I think.”

“Guilty?? Why?! You weren’t responsible for being pulled into the Delta Quadrant!”

“No, but I was responsible for keeping us there. If I hadn’t destroyed the Caretaker’s array, we might have found a way to use it to get home. I…I should never have done that.”

“I don’t agree at all!” Gretchen’s voice was forceful. “You could never have lived with yourself if you had abandoned an entire population to their enemies when you had it in your power to help them.”

“By helping the Ocampa, I broke the Prime Directive, Mom.”

“Did you? I’ve read the official logs. Seems to me you ensured their survival. You didn’t deliberately insert yourself into that situation, Katie, you were thrust into it through no choice of your own. And you did what you thought was right and in the best interests of an innocent people. I don’t see how anyone can fault you for that.”

Kathryn sighed, well aware it was a point of view most civilians would share, although she knew better. “The Prime Directive,” she began, “is in place for the very good reason that we _don’t_ always know what’s best for other cultures and societies. Who’s to say that by saving the Ocampa and thwarting the Kazon Ogla that I didn’t cause untold damage to both their cultures?! I should never have listened to the Caretaker – who had also interfered in their evolution, by the way – and I certainly shouldn’t have followed his bidding and destroyed the array. Tuvok tried to warn me but I refused to listen; I was so sure I knew best.”

“Rubbish!” snapped Gretchen, “you’re spouting Starfleet rhetoric, Kathryn Janeway, and it won’t wash. Try asking the Ocampa how they would have felt about being annihilated! I don’t imagine you would get anything other than their everlasting gratitude that you were able to stop these Kazon people!”

“That’s what I told myself at the time,” sighed Kathryn, “but in retrospect, I’m not so sure.”

“Katie, the bottom line is this: what’s done is done. You can’t change the past, you can only accept it and move on.”

Kathryn let out a bark of laughter. “Now you sound like Chakotay.”

“Then he must be a very sensible man, which I had already assumed was the case.” Her eyes were glued to Kathryn’s face. “Honey, you have to let it go, you can’t continue allowing yourself to be consumed by guilt and regrets. Besides, you’ve just said that you wouldn’t have missed those years for anything. You can’t have it both ways, you know.”

For a moment, her daughter looked decidedly mulish before she slumped further into her chair in resignation. “I guess you’re right.”

“Of course, I’m right! I’m your mother.” Gretchen got to her feet and held out her hand in invitation. “Now, enough of this introspection. Let’s look forward, for a change. How about we go see if there’s a decent cup of coffee to be found on this barge?”

Taking her mother’s hand, Kathryn stood up. “That’s the best idea I’ve heard yet.”

* * *

A week later, their long journey finally ended at a dusty spaceport on Dorvan Five. 

Each armed with a bag slung over their shoulders, Kathryn and her mother stood silently in line waiting for transport, both thinking along similar lines. What would Chakotay’s reaction be to the sudden appearance of his wife and a mother-in-law he’d met only once very briefly? 

Kathryn had decided not to warn him of their imminent arrival, on the grounds that if he knew they were coming, he might contrive to be pleased when he really wasn’t. “He’s so kind that he’ll do whatever I want,” she explained to Gretchen, who had not been too pleased to discover their visit was to be a surprise. “He has always put my needs first. On the ship was one thing, but now, I have to know how he really feels, Mom, and he’s so good at hiding his feelings that if he’s aware we’re coming, I may not be able to tell whether he’s really happy to see us or not. So, I don’t want to let him know.”

Well aware that Kathryn knew her first officer a lot better than she did, Gretchen had acquiesced somewhat reluctantly. “Very well, dear, I’ll leave it up to you.” She refrained from adding that she hoped her daughter wasn’t making a big mistake. _What will be, will be,_ she reminded herself.

“Next,” called out the bored transport operator.

“Well, here goes nothing,” muttered Kathryn, sotto voce. 

Stretching out her hand, Gretchen grasped her daughter’s hand hard for a brief moment, before letting go to take her place on the transport pads. A second later, her view of the inside of the ship was replaced by the dusty interior of a low, ramshackle building. Glancing around, she saw a lot of people milling about, all looking very busy.

“This way, Mom,” she heard Kathryn say, and dutifully followed her daughter to one side of the structure where a transparent door showed the way outside. They stepped through to be met by a blast of heat.

“Welcome to Dorvan,” muttered Kathryn. “I didn’t realize it would be this hot.”

As the two women paused to take in their surroundings, a man standing nearby blinked and stared at them in astonishment. A second later, he was dashing forward. “Captain?! Captain Janeway?!”

Turning around, Kathryn found herself accosted by Ken Dalby, his face wreathed in an enormous grin. “Mr. Dalby!” she exclaimed. “Whatever are you doing here?”

“I live here, Captain,” he announced cheerfully. “After we were pardoned, a lot of us decided to come and join Chakotay here on Dorvan and get involved in the rebuilding.”

Kathryn blinked in surprise. “I had no idea! How many of you are there?”

“Most of the Maquis – Ayala, Gerron, Tabor among others. And Mariah, of course. We’ve, uh, set up housekeeping together.” His broad face reflected his exuberance and joy in his new life.

“Ken, I’m delighted to hear that. You and Mariah deserve every happiness.” Kathryn became aware of her mother standing silently beside her. “I’m sorry. Let me introduce you. Mom, this is Ken Dalby, one of my crew from Voyager. Ken, my mother, Gretchen Janeway.”

Dalby stuck out a roughened hand to shake Gretchen’s. “Ma’am, it is a real pleasure to meet you. Your daughter is the finest captain I’ve ever known, bar none. We would never have gotten home without her strength and determination.”

“I’m delighted to meet you, Mr. Dalby,” replied Gretchen, “I hope to get to know as many of Voyager’s crew as I can. You are all very special people, you realize.”

Ken flushed with embarrassed pleasure. “That’s very kind of you, ma’am.” He glanced at Kathryn. “But Captain, Chakotay never said anything about your coming. Does he know you’re here?”

“No, he doesn’t.” She glanced at Ken a little uncertainly. “I, um, wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Then let me take you to him right now.”

“That’s very kind of you, Ken, but I don’t want to put you to any trouble.”

“Nonsense, it won’t be any trouble at all. I have a hovercar right over there. Give me five minutes to finish up some business and we’ll be on our way.”

Even as he spoke, he reached to take their bags, then led them across the street to a somewhat battered hovercar. “Hop in, Captain, Mrs. Janeway. Let me get the aircon started, otherwise you’ll fry. I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

As the door hissed closed, the first jets of cold air blew gently across their faces, making both women sigh in relief.

“Ohh, that feels much better,” remarked Gretchen. “Mr. Dalby seems like a very pleasant man, doesn’t he?”

Kathryn chuckled sardonically. “If you could have seen him at the beginning…. Talk about recalcitrant! He did not want to have anything to do with Starfleet rules or discipline and he didn’t hesitate to let everyone know it. Chakotay had to actually punch him out to get him to obey orders. The ‘Maquis way’, they called it. I remember laughing at him, asking if he disobeyed _my_ orders, was that how I would have to discipline _him_?”

“Well, he certainly seems happy enough to see you now!” replied Gretchen, “so I assume he got past his anger.”

“He did indeed. It took a little longer but, in the end, Dalby became a valued member of my crew. I’m so glad to know he’s started a new life with Mariah, they’ve been through so much.”

“Was she in the Maquis as well?”

“Yes, she was, and almost as resistant as Dalby towards Starfleet. They’re two of a kind.”

As she spoke, the door opened to let Dalby hop in. “There we are, all set,” he announced cheerfully as he started the engine. “Boy, I can’t wait to see Chakotay’s face when he sees you, Captain.”

“I’m not sure if that sounds ominous or not,” replied Kathryn, not quite able to keep the worry out of her voice.

He glanced at her in surprise. “If you’re concerned about your reception, Captain, don’t be. He’ll be glad to see you. Everyone will.”

But despite Dalby’s reassurances, Kathryn couldn’t help thinking that this was a really bad idea. _Maybe I should have told him we were coming,_ she thought, _maybe I shouldn’t even be here. Why did I ever let Marda and Mom talk me into this?_ Doubts assailed her, making her face crease in worry.

Noticing her expression, Gretchen reached over to pat her hand. “It’ll be fine, Katie, you’ll see. Trust Mr. Dalby, I’m sure he’s right.”

In an effort to distract her daughter, she began a conversation with Dalby. “Where are we going exactly, Mr. Dalby?”

“Why, to the village, ma’am. That’s where we live. It’s a bit primitive yet but boy! If you’d seen it when we got here, believe me, it’s a lot better now. With any luck and a few more parts for the system, we should be able to get the water supply set up in another week or so and that will make a big difference.”

“No water?” asked Gretchen faintly.

“Oh, there is water, it’s just that we have to carry it by hand from the creek. And then it has to be purified before we can use it. But once the system is in place and working, it will not only pump water into every house but sanitize it as well. We just need a couple of items to get it up and running, which is why I was meeting that freighter today, but he didn’t bring them. Hopefully, they’ll show up next week, or one of us will have to go to DS9 to pick them up ourselves. Which is a long, tiring trip, as you know.”

“How far is the village?” asked Kathryn, becoming interested in the conversation.

“Not much farther. It’s five kilometers from the spaceport but, as you can see, there isn’t much of a road. I was lucky to get the hovercar today, it’s the only working one we have now that the other two have broken down. Although hopefully, Chakotay has been able to repair one of them. He didn’t know if he could when I left earlier.”

“Sounds like you need B’Elanna,” she replied.

“Man, do we ever! But we manage, not always very well, but in the Maquis, we learned pretty fast to make do with whatever was at hand.”

“I remember those particular talents coming in very handy on Voyager,” responded Kathryn warmly.

Dalby grinned then slowed the hovercar to a crawl and pointed ahead. “There it is, Captain, just down this rise.”

Leaning forward, Kathryn and Gretchen could make out a small collection of one-story structures huddled together as if for protection. Which perhaps they were, reflected Kathryn.

Slowly, the hovercar eased down the slope to come to a halt beside the nearest building. 

“Here we are,” announced Dalby as he activated the door. “It may not look like much, but it’s home.”

Clambering out, he helped the two women step onto the ground, then reached in past them to retrieve their bags.

By the time he’d turned around again, a tall, dark-haired man had come around the corner of the building. “Ken? Who is that with you?”

“Mike, come and see who I’ve brought back with me from town.”

The man moved closer, shading his eyes, then suddenly stopped in astonishment. “Captain?!” His face broke into a wide grin as he dashed forward to take Kathryn’s hands. “Captain! It’s really you!”

“Hello, Mike,” responded Kathryn with a wide smile, “yes, it’s me. And this is my mother, Gretchen Janeway. Mom, this is Miguel Ayala, commonly known as Mike.”

Gretchen held out her hand. “Mr. Ayala, I’m delighted to meet you.”

“Ma’am, this is a real pleasure!” replied Ayala, shaking Gretchen’s hand before turning back to Kathryn. “Why, I can’t believe you’re here!” he exclaimed, “and to think Chakotay never breathed a word!”

“He doesn’t know, Mike,” interjected Dalby. “Tell me where he is and I’ll go fetch him.”

“Last time I saw him, he said he’d given up on the hovercar for now and was going out to check the cornfield. Say, let me round up everyone while you go look for him. I can’t wait to see his face when he spots you, Captain!”

Kathryn reached out to put her hand on Dalby’s arm. “Actually, I’d rather find him myself, if you don’t mind, Ken.” She ducked her head deprecatingly. “I would…uh, feel a little more comfortable. Is that all right, gentlemen?”

“Captain, of course! Whatever you’d prefer.” Dalby was only too willing to oblige.

She turned to Gretchen. “Mom, would you mind waiting here for me? I think it would be easier if we only spring one surprise at a time on Chakotay.”

“Certainly, dear, whatever you think is best.” Gretchen had recognized the uncertain note in Kathryn’s voice and knew she was anxious to meet Chakotay alone without prying eyes. “Perhaps Mr. Ayala can show me somewhere I might sit down. This heat is quite enervating, isn’t it?”

At once, Ayala sprang into action, leading Gretchen towards a small round plaza, which was completely encircled by buildings. In the centre was a well, around which were placed several benches. “Here, Mrs. Janeway. Come and sit on the shady side.” He got her settled comfortably, by which time several more of Kathryn’s former crew had come out to see who the new arrival was. When they learned this was Captain Janeway’s mother and that she had accompanied her daughter on a visit, they exclaimed with delight and promptly began to provide her with cold drinks and food, as well as a soft cushion to sit on.

“My goodness, I feel like royalty,” laughed Gretchen as the small area began to fill rapidly. Obviously, word of their arrival was spreading at warp speed.

Meanwhile, Ken Dalby led Kathryn behind the buildings towards an open field where she could make out a solitary figure slowly pacing across neat rows of corn. 

“That’s him,” Dalby nodded towards the field as he came to a halt. “I’ll leave you now.”

“Thanks, Ken, for understanding.” Kathryn gave him a grateful smile, then turned to continue walking steadily towards the field. Knowing Dalby was watching her, she kept her head high and her back straight but inside she was feeling anything but confident. How would Chakotay react to her presence here? Would he resent her for seeking him out? Obviously, he had settled in here. Would he want an annulment of their marriage so as to be able to make a completely fresh start? 

Unconsciously, she twisted the gold band on her finger, trying to control her sudden attack of nerves. _Don’t be ridiculous!_ she told herself firmly, _this is not only your husband but your best friend. So maybe our marriage hasn’t been much of a union, that doesn’t mean it couldn’t be, now that we’re home and Starfleet rules and protocols are no longer an issue._

Despite her admonitions, her steps gradually slowed until she found herself standing just inside the edge of the field, her eyes boring into the man plodding along the opposite side.

Twice she opened her mouth to call Chakotay’s name but each time, no sound came out. Nevertheless, she must have caught his attention somehow, for suddenly his head snapped up and he stopped in his tracks to stare at her in utter amazement.

“Kathryn?” he spoke hesitantly, as if he couldn’t believe his eyes. “Kathryn?!” he repeated more loudly as his brain caught up with what his eyes were telling him.

“Yes, it’s me,” she replied before falling silent. The next move was up to him.

For a second longer, he continued to stare at her before suddenly breaking into a run across the field, skidding to a halt directly in front of her.

“Kathryn!” His face was wreathed in the smile she remembered so well. “What…? How…? I can’t believe it’s you!” Seizing her hands, he gripped them tightly, then tugged her forward into a quick hug.

With a mighty sigh, Kathryn let her shoulders slump in relief. He was obviously glad to see her, which indicated she might be over the worst hurdle. “I hope you don’t mind our arriving with no warning. I wanted to see you and I had to know….” Her voice trailed off as she wondered if she’d said too much.

“Of course not,” replied Chakotay, still holding her hands, then added, “Had to know what?”

For a moment, she debated how to answer, but he knew her too well.

“What, Kathryn?”

Her eyes gazed up at him steadily. “I had to know if you wanted to see me.”

Shaking his head in puzzlement, he turned to lead her back toward the village. “Kathryn, you’re not making any sense. Why wouldn’t I want to see you?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you’ve made a new life here, maybe you’re angry with me, maybe you’ve found someone else to share your life. You left Earth before I had a chance to talk to you.” She clutched his fingers convulsively. “I didn’t know why but I wondered if you were regretting our marriage and the fact that I’d tied you to me for so long without ever giving anything back. I thought, perhaps now that we’re home, you might want that annulment.”

He turned to stare at her, realization dawning. “You thought I didn’t want you in my life anymore.”

Her shoulders hunched in a shrug. “It was a distinct possibility, and I certainly couldn’t blame you. I haven’t been very kind to you, Chakotay, something I regret deeply.”

His hand wrapped more tightly around hers. “Let’s sit down,” he suggested as he led her over to a small patch of grass. 

Settling themselves gave each of them time to organize their thoughts. 

Before Chakotay could open his mouth, Kathryn began to speak. “I need you to understand several things,” she began. “First of all, I never meant to let this whole issue of our marriage drag on so long. But I got so tied up, first with the review board and then a counselor, that I let it slide. I’m sorry, I should never have allowed that to happen. And their constant harping on it didn’t help either. Believe it or not, I’m actually under orders to ‘sort it out’, I believe is the way my counselor phrased it.” 

Her tone was wry but underneath, Chakotay could hear pain. Something else had happened, he was sure of it. “I assume you’re on leave?” he asked.

“Yes,” she replied, then as honesty compelled her to add, “medical leave.”

“Medical! Why? What’s wrong?”

Kathryn rolled her eyes. “You may well ask. As far as I’m concerned, nothing is wrong; I’m fine, physically and mentally.”

“But?

“But they believe I haven’t dealt with the emotional fallout from our time in the Delta Quadrant, which is why I have to see a counselor on a regular basis, and until I receive clearance from her, I won’t get another command.”

Chakotay sat stunned, understanding only too well why Kathryn was upset. To be pushed aside after all her accomplishments, even if the reasons were sound, must seem to her the height of ingratitude. 

But he could also appreciate Starfleet’s point of view. No one knew better than he that Kathryn was a past master at burying her emotions under the façade of command. So many times, she’d had no choice, but eventually it had become a habit. On several occasions, he’d tried to get her to open up but very rarely was he even partially successful. Kathryn was the consummate captain, which meant she believed a certain distance needed to be kept from her subordinates, even him, in order to maintain her authority. But she had paid a high price, a fact that ‘fleet was obviously well aware of.

He thought over what she’d said about being under orders to ‘sort it out’. Apparently, Starfleet hadn’t proved as forgiving about her stretching protocol as she’d hoped. Although how else he could have protected her from the Mortallahn governor, never mind the patriarch on Takend, he didn’t know.

Glancing down at her, he found her eyes glued to his face. “What do you want to do?” he asked gently.

“I think instead we should be asking what _you_ want to do,” she replied.

“Look,” he began, “if annulling our marriage will help you get back on the captain’s list, then we should do it.”

But Kathryn was shaking her head. “No, that’s not what I mean.” Again, her fingers twisted her ring. “Chakotay, a long time ago, you made me a promise, and through all these years, you’ve never broken it. Always, you have put me, my needs, my wants, before your own wishes and desires. While we were in the Delta Quadrant, I accepted your sacrifice as necessary to our ultimate success. But now, things have changed. There is no need for you to continue putting me first, nor should you. I’ve had a lot of time to reflect lately – besides seeing the counselor three times a week, I’ve been spending some time tidying up my mother’s garden. I’d forgotten how therapeutic pulling weeds can be!”

He smiled, remembering how she’d once said much the same thing on New Earth, but remained silent, knowing there was more to come.

“I’ve always felt a little guilty that I kept you tied to my apron strings, even though for a while it was necessary.”

At that, he felt compelled to interrupt. “Kathryn, you didn’t keep me tied to you. Getting married was my idea, remember? Tuvok and I had to work very hard to convince you it was the right thing to do.”

“I remember. Still, once we were through that part of space, I should have annulled it right away.”

Now it was his turn to shake his head. “I wouldn’t have let you for precisely the reason that led to it in the first place. It was the surest way of protecting you from harm, Kathryn, that’s why we did it.”

Her eyes fell to the ring on his hand, and she reached to touch it gently. “Was that the only reason?”

“What are you asking?”

“I’m asking if my safety was the only reason why you insisted we get married.”

“I told you at the time – ”

She interrupted impatiently. “I know what you told me! But was that the _only_ reason?”

His hand turned palm up to grasp her fingers. “No,” he replied in a low voice, “it wasn’t. But then, it was the only one I could give you.” Lifting his other hand, he reached to gently grasp her chin and turn her face up to him. “I love you, Kathryn, I’ve always loved you, almost from the day we first met on your bridge. But once we were home, we were separated and I needed some time alone to figure out where I was going with my life. I went on a number of vision quests and eventually, on the day my cousin brought me the news of our pardon, the vision I had told me very clearly that I must come here to help rebuild my old home. It was a need so urgent that we wasted no time in getting passage on the first transport we could. I’m sorry, I should have tried harder to contact you but…I didn’t.”

The uncertainty in his voice told her more clearly than words that he’d been just as unsure as she about this peculiar marriage of theirs. A sardonic smile flashed across her face. “Then I guess we’re equally guilty of procrastination.”

Now he shrugged. “Perhaps so, or perhaps our hearts were trying to overrule our heads. Kathryn,” his voice became serious, “tell me plainly, do you want to stay married? Do you want to make this a real marriage or do you want your freedom?”

Her eyes gazed up at him steadily. “I want you, I’ve always wanted you but I could never tell you, never even hint at what I felt for you. As long as we were out there, I was constrained by protocol and the knowledge that whatever I did would have consequences for you. But now? If you’re willing, I’d like to try to make this marriage work.”

Chakotay’s face broke into a sunburst of a smile. “I’d like that, too,” he murmured as he leaned forward to kiss her gently. Beneath his lips, he felt her smile and lifted his head. “What?”

She grinned at him. “I remember the day we were married, you kissed me like there was no tomorrow, and you told me that if I ever changed my mind, there would be more of the same waiting for me. Well, Mister, I’ve changed my mind.”

“Yes, ma’am!” he whispered, as he bent his head again. This time, his mouth plundered hers, his tongue everywhere as his arms enfolded her in a tight embrace.

Kathryn responded instantly, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and shoulders, her fingers sliding through his thick hair. Her conscious world shrank until all she was aware of was this man in her arms and what he was doing to her. Softly, she moaned as she twisted to touch as much of him as she could.

Pressing her against his body, Chakotay continued to kiss her until eventually, he had to lift his head to breathe.

“That better?” he chuckled, hearing her soft moan of protest.

“Oh my, yes!” she murmured in a sultry voice that flowed through him from head to toe.

“Good.” He pressed his face into her neck, letting her scent permeate his senses. She felt more wonderful than he would have believed possible.

For several minutes, they sat wrapped together until a nearby shout alerted them to the fact they were no longer alone.

“Hey Chakotay! Captain!” The voice was Dalby’s. “You planning on joining us any time soon? Gretchen was asking….”

“Gretchen?” asked Chakotay. “Kathryn, you brought your mother?!”

With a sigh, she moved to scramble to her feet. “I didn’t exactly have a lot of choice, believe me! Starfleet refused to let me travel alone.”

He stood up beside her. “Why??”

“Apparently, there was some concern about whether I would, uh, hang around to finish the counseling sessions.” She tried to keep her voice as neutral as possible.

“You mean they’d spoken to the EMH and were afraid you would skip out!”

Suddenly, she found the ground to be very interesting. “Something like that.”

Chakotay gave a shout of laughter. “Oh Kathryn! I think you’ve been found out.” Taking her hand, he turned to lead her back to the village.

“Sooo…” remarked Ken Dalby when they reached the spot where he was waiting for them. Obviously he was itching to know what had happened.

“So…what?” teased Chakotay.

Dalby bit the bullet. “So, are you staying married or not?”

Kathryn heard the real concern in his voice and relented, smiling at him warmly. “Yes, we are.”

At once, he reached to take her free hand in both his own. “Captain, that’s the best news I’ve heard in…I can’t tell you how long! I’m very glad for both of you!”

“Thank you, Ken,” she replied, pleased to know that he was so happy for them.

Entering the plaza, they were met by a crowd of people, all milling around and chattering excitedly about the arrival of their beloved captain, apparently on a romantic errand. At once, the two were engulfed by the mob, all wanting to greet the captain and talk to her.

With no little difficulty, Chakotay was able to ease her towards the well in the centre where her mother was sitting on a cushioned bench, with a veritable cornucopia of food and drink spread before her.

“Good gracious, Mom, where did all this come from?” demanded Kathryn, well aware that food and water were not in unlimited supply on this barren planet.

Gretchen shrugged almost nonchalantly. “Everyone has insisted on bringing me all sorts of things to eat and drink. It’s quite overwhelming.”

Chakotay smiled down at her. “I’m glad to see you here, Mrs. Janeway, and to know that our people have been treating you well.”

“They certainly have, thank you, Chakotay,” she replied composedly. “And please…forget the Mrs. Janeway. I prefer Gretchen.”

His smile widened, and Gretchen had no trouble understanding why her self-possessed daughter had succumbed to this man. That smile was quite irresistible. 

He glanced again at the spread of provisions and came to a sudden decision. Raising his voice, he called out, “Everyone, pay attention. Why don’t we have a potluck dinner tonight so we can welcome our guests properly and let everyone have a chance to talk to the captain? And then all this food won’t go to waste.”

His suggestion was met with cheers and approval on all sides as everyone began to head home to prepare their contribution. Within a very few minutes, the plaza was mostly empty.

Smiling happily, Chakotay turned to the two women beside him. “Well, Kathryn, Gretchen? Would you like to come to my house to rest for a bit and freshen up? I can promise it’s going to be a long evening.”

Nodding, Gretchen rose to her feet, then bent to pick up her bag and Kathryn’s.

At once, Chakotay reached to take them from her. Slinging them both onto his shoulders, he indicated a nearby lane. “My house is this way. I hope you will both stay with me.”

“Thank you,” replied Gretchen, “but we don’t want to put you to any trouble.”

“You won’t,” he replied cheerfully. “I live pretty simply.” He gestured around them as they walked between several low mud buildings. “I don’t know how much Ken told you but there are not a lot of amenities here as yet. Even water has to be carried by hand from the creek, which is certainly a trial, especially for the families with young children. But hopefully, we’ll be able to get the parts we need to bring the water system online. That will make our lives so much easier.”

As they passed the last building, he pointed to a small log cabin set back from the lane and a little apart. “That’s my house.”

Kathryn stopped in her tracks as her face broke into a smile. “A log cabin! You built it, didn’t you?”

“Of course, I told you I’d learned how.”

“I remember. Would ours have looked like that?”

“More or less. This is a bit smaller than I would have built for us.”

Mystified at their suddenly cryptic conversation, Gretchen waited patiently. Clearly, they were discussing some experience in the Delta Quadrant but without knowing the background, she was quite at a loss to understand what they were referring to. 

After a moment, Kathryn turned apologetically to her mother. “Sorry, Mom, I forgot you wouldn’t know.” She waved her hand toward the cabin. “When we were on New Earth, our shelter was damaged in a storm, and Chakotay said he would build a log cabin to replace it. But then Voyager came back.” She shrugged a bit helplessly.

Gretchen eyed him with increased respect. “You’re a man of many talents, Chakotay.”

He grinned a little self-consciously. “My father taught me a few things. Life here was never easy, even before the Cardassians did their best to destroy the planet. We had to be self-sufficient and able to put our hand to almost anything.”

She nodded approvingly. “Quite right. I’m glad to know you’re not one of those people totally dependent on replicators.” Her eye fell on her daughter as she spoke.

“Mom!” protested Kathryn as Chakotay burst into laughter.

“Gretchen,” he grinned at her, still chuckling, “I think you and I are going to get along very well indeed.” Leading the way up to the front verandah, he opened the door. “Come in and make yourself at home.”

As she followed Kathryn inside, Gretchen asked, “I don’t mean to pry but have you come to some decisions about your marriage?”

Her daughter turned to her, a wide smile gracing her face. “Yes. We want to make this a real marriage, Mom, not just in name only.”

“I’m so glad,” replied her mother simply before moving to hug Chakotay. “You both deserve all the happiness in the galaxy.”

“Thank you,” he answered gratefully as he returned her embrace, “your approval means a lot to us.” 

She smiled up at him warmly before turning to Kathryn. “What will you do about Starfleet?”

For a moment, Kathryn stared at her blankly. “Do you know I completely forgot about it?” She started to chuckle. “I guess my priorities have changed a bit in the last hour or so.”

Gretchen nodded. “Sounds to me as if you’re ready to move in a new direction.”

“Yes, I think I am,” replied Kathryn, gazing fondly at Chakotay. “And when you think about it, nothing could ever equal what we did in the Delta Quadrant, so maybe I should simply retire gracefully and find something else to do.”

“Like helping to rebuild a planet, perhaps?” he asked.

Kathryn nodded slowly. “It could be quite a challenge. I like challenges.”

“And if you need a break now and again, there’s nothing stopping you from visiting Earth.”

“It’s a long way,” pondered her daughter reflectively, “but not as far as the Delta Quadrant. Of course,” she glanced at her mother, “you could live here.”

But Gretchen shook her head decisively. “Thank you, dear, that’s very kind of you, but no. Rebuilding planets is for the young. I’m a little too fond of my creature comforts to want to be away from them for very long.”

“We’ll make you as comfortable as we can,” promised Chakotay, “whenever you come to visit.”’

She patted his arm. “Thank you, dear, I shall most likely be taking you up on that.”

There was a knock at the door and Ken Dalby stuck his head inside. “Party’s starting, folks, and we’re all waiting for the guests of honour.”

“Well, then, shall we?” Chakotay held out an elbow to each woman.

Laughing, they clasped his arms, one on each side, to walk to their welcoming party.

“You know,” murmured Kathryn as they walked down the path into the lane towards the sounds of laughter and merriment, “it sounds like Voyager, it sounds like home.”

“Maybe because it is,” whispered Chakotay in her ear as they stepped forward into the plaza and into their new life.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted August 23, 2007 - MaryS


End file.
